I can't hide it, I have to boast about Gods goodness!

I have been convicted for quite sometime now to write a post about this, I just haven't sat down and done it. But tonight I was reminded once again of this and I finally talked myself into sitting down and doing it.

God has blessed me with so many things in my life. I could honestly sit for hours writing in detail of each one but tonight I want to write about one that has been very vibrant lately. I want to disclose that I have not done anything to deserve this blessing and quite frankly, I never asked for it in this kind of depth. I remember praying my freshman year in college that God would introduce me to some of his friends. I was in my first semester of college and had met a few people but I was longing for some intimate friendships with people who shared in the same belief in Christ as me. Well God not only answered that prayer for me by sending me some great ladies who are still near and dear to my heart but God has gone above and beyond that one simple request and has continued to send his friends into my life.

Now I am here to tell you that when you ask God to send you his friends into your life, be prepared to meet some of the most amazing people you will ever encounter in your life! The friends who are currently apart if my life are beyond amazing. They lift you up with scripture, a funny joke, encouraging words, etc. Anytime I encounter these friends of God my heart is lifted, my spirit is filled.

The most amazing thing that I've seen so far this year and how these friends of God not only take on your burdens when you need them to but they also take on the burdens of people who are near and dear to you. I can't tell you how many times this year when my heart has been over flowing with joy from the sight of these dear friends love overflowing from me onto other people my life.

I want to kick myself sometimes when I start focusing on the things that aren't going right or going the way I want them to. I have something more precious than gold in my life right now and I sadly allow other things to make me blind to the treasure I hold in my hand at this very time in my life.

To all my friends out there. You mean the world to me and I am so thankful to have you in my life! I thank God as much as I can for you!

God has taught me through this one blessing how he loves to go above and beyond a simple request. That freshman year in college is the only time I vividly remember requesting for friends in my life. I only did it because I was feeling lonely and really wanted to some friends who shared the same belief as me. I had no idea, that 7 years later he would continue to answer that one simple little prayer from a 18 year old college girl.

I never really realized the power of a simple request to God and how in just a simple request, God can grow a blessing that continues to grow flourish for years to come.

I am amazed and awed tonight at how BIG my God is and how powerful, detailed, and persistent Gods love is.

Rest? What does that look like?

You know what's exhausting? Trying to do everything and control everything in your life.

As a counselor, I always have teenagers coming into my office complaining about teachers, parents, etc. they discuss their frustrations then they try to convince you to do something to change the persons behavior or they tell you the plan they have developed to try and change their situation. Every time this comes up I always try to help the student focus on what they can control. I find a lot of success in this technique because it helps people who have control issues to take their need of control and channel it on something more tangible. I also use this technique in my life because I know I have control issues. I have this constant need to feel as if I'm in control of something because I do not like the spinning feeling of being out of control.

I'm also a big believer in being a hard worker. I do not believe it's healthy to have things just handed to you. You lose the value and worth of things when they are just passed over to you without some effort and work put into it. I know this belief is carried out into my day to day life because many people have pointed out to me how I am a hard worker and have an excellent work ethic. It's something I pride myself in because good work ethic, well work ethic in generally really, is a hard trait to find nowadays.

I mention my need to control and my work ethic because lately they have been working against me rather than for me. I work so hard to try and keep a grip of control on circumstances in my life. I try so hard to work and do the right thing. To mend relationship that need mending, to show my worth and competence in my job, to be able to sustain myself as a single woman, etc. But in the midst of my hard work and control I find myself in a place of exhaustion. I'm tired and as I look upon the work I am doing, I tend to see a bigger mess at times. What do I do at this point? Well I keep going. Why? Because I'm responsible for everything, I'm responsible for the choices I make, I'm responsible for ensuring my life goes in the right directions....... Right? Isn't that how this is all suppose to work?

As I'm working like a busy bee trying to get everything that needs to be done the Lord speak subtle to me. He drops scripture in my path like Romans 1:16-17 that says, "It’s news I’m most proud to proclaim, this extraordinary Message of God’s powerful plan to rescue everyone who trusts him, starting with Jews and then right on to everyone else! God’s way of putting people right shows up in the acts of faith, confirming what Scripture has said all along: “The person in right standing before God by trusting him really lives.” Or Matthew 19:26, "“No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.”

I'm so bad at trying to work my way into making good things happen, when all along God is telling me to chill out and TRUST that he'll do it. In my mind, I envision myself sitting beside Jesus and just resting my head in his lap. He wants me to sit there and rest with him instead of running around trying to fix everything. 

As I said before, I do not mind being a hard worker. Hard work doesn't scare me, but sitting and trusting someone else to take care of things for me is terrifying. I find myself being uncomfortable with rest. I find myself begging God to let me go, to let me do the work that needs to be done but he just looks at me, smiles, and with a chuckle says, "No, I got this."

It's funny how I find comfort and discomfort in this statement from him. 

Control isn't always a bad thing, neither is hard work. But there comes times in our lives where we have to use those control and hard work urges towards something different, we have to put it towards making ourselves rest and allowing God to be who he is. To love us the way he loves. He doesn't expect me to work for everything I have. Somethings he wants to give to me, why? Because he loves me. He loves me and he knows I love others. Therefore, it is good for me to sit, rest, and watch as my loving Fathers does some of the work for me so that I can learn more of how to love and give to others.

Plus, he's perfect at what he does and he does nothing but good things.

So here's to finding rest and allowing God to be who he is and do what he does.

"The only thing that can change us, the world, is this-- all His love."

I started reading this book back in February called "One Thousand Gifts". I haven't been able to sit down and read through the whole thing non-stop due to a few reasons. 1. I have been beyond crazy busy with school and 2. The stuff she's writing about is deep and takes some time to really think and chew on, so you can't just read straight through it. You can actually barely read through a paragraph without stopping and really thinking about what she has written.

The main purpose of the book is that she has challenged herself to start thanking God more. By doing so she has decided to make a list of a thousand things she is thankful for. Through out this journey she talks about the change of mindset, growth, and healing she has found through this challenge.

I find it kinda ironic (but at the same time, not really), that praise and thanksgiving have been a common theme that keeps reappearing in different ways in my life. It says in Isaiah 28:10, " He tells us everything over and over- one line at a time, one line at a time, a little here, and a little there!" (NLT). I really love that he does this! He knows how ADD I am and how distracted I get, so he repeats things to me, through different people, in different ways, to ensure that I get the point!

So giving thanks has been my message and I've decide to take on this new challenge of giving thanks, even the littlest things, everyday. Yesterday, I took this picture of an old mill in Cleveland. I've passed this building from a distance every time I've driven to Cleveland for class the past 3 years. And every time I see it, it makes me smile. There just something about this old broken building that fills my heart with joy. It's the little moments like this that I'm wanting to become more thankful for. Yesterday, I finally decided to stop and take a picture of this old building and just take in the moment of the joy I feel when I see it. Later, I decided to thank God for this moment, for this time in my day when I could cherish something so imperfect. It's amazing how different I felt after pausing to give thanks for this.

After the small experience I had with giving thanks yesterday, today I started giving thanks for the little things. I found myself having more energy today and found myself not complaining in my head as much (I complain alot in my head some days, I just don't always verbalize it). One of the moments today that I gave thanks for was when I saw the students at my internship perform in a play. It was a play called 101 Dalmatians. It was the CUTEST thing I have seen in a long time. The play was super cute but my absolute favorite part was after the play, when I went back into the chorus room and I saw all the kids jumping around, smiling, and hugging each other, because they were so PROUD of what they had just accomplished. Many came running up to me hugging and grinning. It was the most precious moment I have witnessed in a long time. These students had put so much time and effort into this play and they were just radiating with joy afterwards! It filled my heart with so much joy to see their joy! As I write this I can't help but think how easy it is to lose this joy. The older we get, the more of a perfectionist we become that we forget to celebrate the small accomplishments. The play had a few technical difficulties and wasn't exactly as they had rehearsed but they still saw and knew the worth of what they had accomplished. It's so easy to lose value in what we do and what we accomplish the older we get. Different things happen along the way that can cause this but I'm challenged to keep this form of innocents, this idea that we can celebrate, love, and be joyful in the little moments. Kids have a strong sense of thankfulness and this thankfulness fuels many of the things we desire in this life.

"God has more in store for you than you can even imagine." Ephesians 3:20

Ah YES! Hello Spring!

I love spring! I love spring because spring is before summer which I also LOVE! Exciting things tend to always happen in the summer, so I also look forward to the surprise that awaits me. I'm particularly excited about this summer because I will not have summer classes and I will officially be DONE with school! I am over joyed about ending this journey of school that started 20 years ago in kindergarden. I wish I could share a wonderful personal memory of when I first started school in kindergarden but sadly the only memories I have are sad ones. I remember the first day (and the only day) that I had to come home and tell my mom that I had to write my name on the board at school because another girl and I were pulling this boy by the legs during our free time. I have absolutely no idea why we were doing this, all I know is that another teacher (the mean kindergarden teachers) walked into the classroom the moment we started doing this and told us to go write our names on the board. This was a traumatizing experience for me due to the fact that I was the GOOD kid who always followed the rules. In fact, I remembered that I would go home everyday and tell my parents who all had written their name on the board at school that day. I remember getting in the car, hoping my mom wouldn't ask me whose names had been written on the board that day. I was devastated to admit that I had to write my name on the board. That is the one and only time I ever got in trouble in kindergarden. I also remember getting stung by a yellow jacket at school, another traumatizing experience. Other than that, I really don't have many memories from that year. It was 20 years ago and a lot had happen since then.

Even though the past 3 years in graduate school have been very trying and extremely different from undergraduate, I am very thankful that I went straight through and didn't take a break. This program has been very time demanding with having to do 1 semester doing a 100 hour practicum and two 300 hour internships. Not to mention the class load that tagged along with them. Since January 2012, I've had 6 day weeks of school and work. Sometimes I feel like it will almost feel like a vacation when I finally have a 5 day work week. Even though it's been tough, I've had an amazing support through my family and friends. They have all been so encouraging and have listened to me whine and complain my whole way through. They really have been such a blessing to me.

Today I woke up and went to church, then I spent my whole day at home. It was weird because this is the first time in months that I have willingly stayed home all day and spend the majority of the day relaxing. I did clean my room and get some laundry done, but for the most part I just relaxed and it was so nice! You know you're getting old when you spend a whole day at home and it makes you happy! As I was resting today, I was thinking about the next few months that are to come. I'm really excited because I have no idea what is to come after I graduate. I'm in the process of looking for a job and I'm keeping myself open to any location. Just the thought that I could move and start a whole new life somewhere is kind of exciting! But I'm also ok with staying in the north Georgia area. I just want to go where the Lord wants me to be. I'm also looking forward to some of the trips I have planned this summer! I'm going to the beach with my family in May, going to New York with Shells in June, and I'm hopefully going to make it out to Colorado to see the lovely Melissa this summer too! I really have a travel bug right now. Going out to visit Melissa in Arizona awakened the passion and love I have for traveling! No matter where I end up with work, I'm planning on going on as many trips as I possibly can. I really want to go and experience other states and other countries! It's such a fun adventure to part take in right now! But for now, I'll look forward to what I already have planned and wait for the other exciting things the Lord has in store for me in the future!

Just 2 MORE WEEKS!!! EEEK!!! :-)

"Appreciate everything in your life right now, it will help you appreciate things that will come in the future"

I'm a busy girl. In order to keep myself from losing my mind I try to create a plan in my head that will help me accomplish everything I need to do in the week. Here was my plan for this past weekend, starting on Thursday.
Thursday: Wake up, go for a 10 mile run, go to work from 1-8, then meet up with friends for movie.
Friday: Wake up, go to work from 9-5, and go rock climbing with friends
Saturday: Wake up, go to work from 9:30-5, go home and work on school work
Sunday: Go to church, then drive to Atlanta for Passion City service, go to dinner with a friend, then drive back home.
Monday: Run 8-10 miles, Meet a friend for lunch, then go to class from 4:30-8:30
Tuesday: Go to internship from 7:30-3:30 and meet a friend for dinner
Wednesday: Got to internship from 7:30-3:30, possibly go for a swim, then pick up my 2 cousins from church, and begin packing for the trip to Orlando this weekend.

Now, this is what actually happened:
Thursday: Woke up not feeling too well, opted out of the run, worked 1-8, and went to the movies.
Friday: Went to work from 9-5 (lost my voice while I was at work) then went rock climbing
Saturday: Woke up, still did not have my voice and was continuing to feel congested, went to work where I couldn't do the lesson I was assigned for due to not having my voice, ran around like a mad person because we were so busy, almost fell down the stairs while at work, hit my head on a railing, and continued to feel a little crappy due to the congestion. I then had a friend who I haven't heard form in a while ask me to dinner. I really wanted to see her so I opted out of homework and visited with her instead.
Sunday: Skipped church in the morning so that I could complete my homework assignments. At this point my voice still has not returned and I'm feeling as if my energy is slowly fading away. I decide to push myself and convinced myself that I was fine and went to PCC in Atlanta and dinner with friends. At this point I couldn't deny the fact that I was not feeling well so I canceled lunch plans for the next day and stayed the night in Atlanta.
Monday: Woke up feeling a little better and decided I could continue with my plans for class that evening. As I'm driving home I begin to feel horrible. I'm exhausted (even though I slept a good 9 hours) and I'm beginning to think about all the things I need to do and that I DO NOT have time to get sick. I decide that I have time to take about an hour nap before I have to leave for class. I get home lay down and realize that there is no way I'm going to be able to get out of bed. And I did not get out of bed for the rest of the evening.
Tuesday: Went to the doctor, found out that I have a sinus infection, got home and spent the rest of the day in bed.
Wednesday: Spent most of the day in bed until later in the evening when I FINALLY began to feel a little better.

I type all this out, not just to tell you my day to day actions, but to make a point. I make these plans and I feel that it is my responsibility to do everything that I have set up to do. Sometimes I over book myself but STILL find a way to do everything, even if it does bring myself to exhaustion. I do this most of the time because I make plans to spend time with people. People are so important to me and I cherish each relationship I have and I love being able to spend time with each person. But I also busy myself at times to pass the time faster. As much as I enjoy some of the people and things in my life in the current moment, I find myself longing for whats in the future. As most of you know, I'm about to graduate from Lee University with my masters in School Counseling. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that I'm going to spend my life helping adolescents in school. I love it so much, I can't wait to start settling into my career and growing as a counselor. I also can't wait to finally be in a place financially where I can support myself independently. And to top it all off, I'm at a place where I want to be in a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage.

Everything I've listed above are good things and I have no doubt that the Lord will bring me these things. The problem I'm running into is that I'm constantly in fast forward to get myself where I want to be instead of slowing down and enjoying the place I'm in right now. The thing is that I know that everything I have listed WILL happen, I have no doubt in that. But I need to slow down and enjoy whats right here in front of me. I need to slow down... I need to rest.

I'm not gonna lie, I really really really hated being sick to the point that I could barely get out of bed. I hated having to cancel plans and I especially hated having to miss my internship this week. But the Lord has taught me something while I've had no other choice but to rest. He's taught me that I need to slow down, make more time for rest, and try not to always say yes. He allowed me to get sick because he knew I needed the rest. He always knows my needs better than I do. This rest has also reminded me to take more time to sit back and enjoy this time in my life. For if I learn to enjoy the here and now, I'll be able to enjoy the future when it comes.

I'm thankful that my energy is slowly coming back and I'm beginning to feel better! This is good because tomorrow evening I'm going to Birmingham with my sister to catch a flight Friday morning for Orlando! I'm looking forward to this weekend with my sister, mom, and cousins. We're going to be having a girls weekend and running in the princess half marathon on Sunday! I've been a little worried because I haven't been able to run in over a week due to the weather and my illness. I'm not worried about finishing, I'm sure I'll fininsh. I've just had a person goal of running the whole 13.1 miles without stopping and I've been worried that I won't be able to do that since the longest I've run so far has been 9.3 miles. I know I'll be fine though and I have no doubt that we're going to have a blast this weekend!

Despite the inconvenience this sinus infection has given me, I'm very thankful that the Lord still shows me goodness and takes care of me!