I'm always believing the best in people.
I'm always looking for the good because I believe it is buried beneath all the rubble and scars this life throws onto us.
I guess you can say this makes me an optimist.
I wouldn't argue with this label. I would prefer to believe the best in another person rather than to think other wise. Maybe it's how I'm wired. Maybe believing the best is the fuel to the fire in my chest. I would feel a bit empty and a little lost without my optimism. If the good in this life were to be swept out of my vision, I would have a hard time finding things to be happy about. I would constantly struggle to find purpose and meaning in life if I didn't focus on the good.
Life as an optimist isn't always roses and sunsets, though. I believe optimist have the ability to find the beauty in the storm. We can walk through the broken home of someone's life and still find meaning and purpose. Then the facts of life are thrown into your face and you're forced to believe the cold hard truth that not everyone chooses to give life to the good in their chest.
There are days when the reality of how cruel and hard this world can be. It hits you like a ton of bricks and you can feel yourself begin to suffocate. You become paralyzed because your sweet little mind, that is always choosing to want the best for others, is having to comprehend that not everyone wants the same goodness you wish upon them. You are faced with the harsh reality that people are people (including you) and we make choices that hurt others at times.
Thats the hard thing about being optimistic. Every optimist has their day when they begin to question their belief in the good of others. You find yourself wondering if this "good" you so strongly believe in really exist. You feel the fire in your chest slowly begin to die and you begin to struggle to find any remnant of good to throw in to bring life back into the flame.
I was talking to someone who works as a therapist one time and we began to talk about how we are optimist. She said, "We truly wouldn't be able to do what we do if we weren't optimist. Isn't it a necessity for us to do what we do successfully?"
Yes. Yes it is. What kind of therapist or counselor would one be if someone walked into their office and we didn't believe they were capable of good. How can you work to help people if you don't believe, in the deepest part of your chest, that people are capable of change and capable of choosing the best for themselves.
I dated a guy on and off for years. It later became apparent to me that the reason he would always show back up in my life was strictly because I was optimistic. He knew I saw the good in others (and him) and he sadly took advantage. Being optimistic (and potentially intentionally ignorant to his motives) I had a hard time accepting the fact that he intentionally took advantage of who I am. I saw a therapist for a while to help me deal with his deception and some other issues of my own. The one thing she said to me, and I swear that it's the very thing that healed me was: "Emily, you did what you did for him because that's who you are, not because he deserved it."
I'm almost positive we never spoke of that relationship again after she told me that simple statement. Because here is the reality; People who believe (and continue to choose to believe) in the best of another person is not responsible if that person decides to take advantage of their kindness. Optimist are ultimately kind and nice people. We will go out of our way for others which makes us susceptible to being taken advantage of. People easily learn that we are kind and therefore learn that they can take and not always give back.
So it's extremely important for an optimist to set boundaries. You can still do good for others while taking the necessary steps to ensure that you're not being hurt through your kindness. Setting boundaries is still a struggle area of mine, but slowly I'm learning how to do it.
Another thing about being an optimist is that we tend to take people at their word. WHEN I SAY WE TAKE YOU AT YOUR WORD, I LITERALLY MEAN EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU SAY. There is an old Dane Cook joke where he talks about how he can't date a girl who exaggerates. He says, "I can't listen to your stories when you exaggerate. When you tell me a story, I really listen. I LISTEN.... And I don't just listen.... I LISTEN." This perfectly explains most optimist when you are talking to them. They hear every word you say and fire up their optimistic belief that what you are saying, you really mean.
As I begin to build close relationships with people one of the things I've learn to tell them is that with me, you have to tell me the blunt truth. Don't beat around the bush. Don't be nice about it. Lay it straight, because if you don't I'm going to think the best of the situation and not get the harsh truth you're trying to tell me.
Being an optimist makes facing harsh realities difficult but I have to admit that I enjoy believing in the best, even when the best is hard to find. I enjoy cheering for the good of people even when they're not cheering for me. Even people who have taken advantage of my kindness, I still want what's best for them. Because deep down, I choose to live each day with grace and mercy. I choose to be in YOUR corner, cheering for YOUR good, even if you never speak to me, even if I never cross your mind. I'm still here. Wanting the best for you. Not because it's what you deserve but because it's who I choose to be. I'll always choose to be on the side of good, even if I'm the only one you'll find there.
