God really loves to get my attention and certainly knows how to. It's really not that hard of a task (most of the time). All he has to is have a hurting person pass me by and I'm all ears.
God been doing this more and more lately. He's been finding ways to pull at my heart strings. The biggest issue has been Satan because as soon as God pulls at my heart string, Satan throws something else at me to distract me. But I've reached the point that I'm tired of the distractions, I'm ready to embrace what God has in store for me to do.
I can't completely blame Satan for my lack of persistence, I have a hand in the issue as well. I can easily become overwhelmed with what I'm called to do and tend to doubt myself and my capabilities. I'm taking this class called Social and Cultural Diversity. It's exactly as it's labeled, it's a class on many social and cultural issues. I'm reading a book on racial identity and one of the issues it has pointed out is the fact that White people have many privileges over people of color. I can't argue with this because I know I've never been discriminated against in my whole life due to my color. How this came about and how it's still fueled is a completely different discussion, but one thing the author said is, "with privilege comes great responsibility". That really pulled a heart string on me. Here I am, an educated woman, with a voice that can be heard, and I tend to spend the majority of my time in the shadows.
Tonight in class we discussed the issue of Human Trafficking. It really is an issue that has always pulled at my heart string because I have a huge heart for women, especially adolescent girls. This whole issue had more than one heart string pulled. The professor for this course a sex addict counselor. He told us that many of the clients he has worked with over the years has stated that they go for vulnerable women, and they can sense these types of women with no problems. They go for women who clearly do not have a voice. Same goes for the children and women who are abducted into human trafficking. They are children and women who have been scoped out, whose vulnerability was visible..... they want the ones who do not have a voice.
Here I am. 24 year old graduate student. I have been well taken care of my whole life. I've been given the opportunity for education, I've been given a voice. My insecurity and self doubt has been the only thing keeping me silent. I want to over come this. I want to be a voice for those who do not have a voice. God has filled me with so much of his love, all I want to do is pour it out so that others can feel and know that there is so much more to this world than heartless people. It's going to require self sacrifice. It's going to require work. God knows I'm not at this place yet but it's becoming very clear to me that he's been working with me on this.
I really have no clue where God wants me or what direction he wants me to go in helping people. If I had it my way I would want to help anyone and everyone that has ever experienced injustice and/or needs love. But it's time I start stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something.
Tonight I signed up to attend the Greater Chattanooga Coalition Against Human Trafficking meeting. It's a free event on June 7th from 11:00-1:30. I don't know if this is the direction God wants me to take but I feel like it's a good step on stepping out of my comfort zone.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
I wanna shine and I wanna fly just to tell you now, it'll be alright.
As I sat down to write this blog, millions of things came to mind to write about. Trying to narrow down what was important and what was just random thoughts were hard. Then I kept thinking about this article I read yesterday. It's called Summers Are For Seeking Christ.
For those who see my Facebook or Instagram you are well aware of my love for summer. My last blog talked about my love for summer as well. So I think I've made it very clear how much I love this time of year. Sorry if you're over my enthusiasm for this season but I might as well warn you that it's not going to end, I'm still going to be declaring my love ALL summer! It just brings out the best in me and I'm not going to hold it in.
Back to the article, there is a quote from John Piper in this article that says, "God made summer as a foretaste of heaven, not a substitute. If the mailman brings you a love letter from your fiancé, don’t fall in love with the mailman. That’s what summer is: God’s messenger with a sun-soaked, tree-green, flower-blooming, lake-glistening letter of love to show us what he is planning for us in the age to come." Oh this just made my heart so happy! I've always loved the summer but I've never thought of it as a taste of what God has in store for us! The article warns against the distractions of this season and how it can cause us to lose focus on the One who truly matters. It's a really good article and I recommend reading it.
This summer feels different from last summer. Last summer I was working 60 hours a week doing in home counseling. I love helping people but by last summer I was burnt out and vaguely remember truly enjoying anything last summer. Don't get me wrong, I had some great times last summer but my heart, mind, and soul were so tired. If you go back to the blogs I wrote last summer, you'll see how God was attempting to grab my attention and turn my heart into a new direction.
I read another article yesterday about C.S Lewis's books and how he wrote a story about a boy whose greed and self centeredness turned him into a dragon. Near the end of the story the boy meets Aslan who tells the boy to undress and jump into a spring. The boy knew he meant to take off the dragon skin before jumping in. The boy attempted 3 times to remove his skin but each time he looked at his skin and knew it wasn't good enough. Finally Aslan assisted the boy and this is what the boy said, "'And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feelings the stuff peel off. … Well he pulled the beastly stuff right off — just as I thought I’d done it myself the other three times, only they hadn’t hurt — and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobly looking than the others had been. And there was I, as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been.' Then with velvet paws, Aslan picks him up and placed him in the water, healing him, breathing on him, clothing him and finally sending him back to the other characters in the story."
The article goes onto explain the meaning C.S Lewis was portraying by this story. Much like this story, God has been putting me through this skin peeling process (metaphorically, not physically). He's stripping me of all the things in my life that I've tried picking off myself but it takes Him cleansing me of these things completely for it to really work.
Last summer I had those unnecessary layers of skin and this summer I have this new healthy fresh skin! I'm just so thankful for all God has and continues to do for me. My love for this summer is directly correlated to the love and mercy God has so graciously poured upon me. I just hope this love and mercy will become contagious. I'm more than happy to dance this dance alone, but it's more fun when others are involved :-)
For those who see my Facebook or Instagram you are well aware of my love for summer. My last blog talked about my love for summer as well. So I think I've made it very clear how much I love this time of year. Sorry if you're over my enthusiasm for this season but I might as well warn you that it's not going to end, I'm still going to be declaring my love ALL summer! It just brings out the best in me and I'm not going to hold it in.
Back to the article, there is a quote from John Piper in this article that says, "God made summer as a foretaste of heaven, not a substitute. If the mailman brings you a love letter from your fiancé, don’t fall in love with the mailman. That’s what summer is: God’s messenger with a sun-soaked, tree-green, flower-blooming, lake-glistening letter of love to show us what he is planning for us in the age to come." Oh this just made my heart so happy! I've always loved the summer but I've never thought of it as a taste of what God has in store for us! The article warns against the distractions of this season and how it can cause us to lose focus on the One who truly matters. It's a really good article and I recommend reading it.
This summer feels different from last summer. Last summer I was working 60 hours a week doing in home counseling. I love helping people but by last summer I was burnt out and vaguely remember truly enjoying anything last summer. Don't get me wrong, I had some great times last summer but my heart, mind, and soul were so tired. If you go back to the blogs I wrote last summer, you'll see how God was attempting to grab my attention and turn my heart into a new direction.
I read another article yesterday about C.S Lewis's books and how he wrote a story about a boy whose greed and self centeredness turned him into a dragon. Near the end of the story the boy meets Aslan who tells the boy to undress and jump into a spring. The boy knew he meant to take off the dragon skin before jumping in. The boy attempted 3 times to remove his skin but each time he looked at his skin and knew it wasn't good enough. Finally Aslan assisted the boy and this is what the boy said, "'And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feelings the stuff peel off. … Well he pulled the beastly stuff right off — just as I thought I’d done it myself the other three times, only they hadn’t hurt — and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobly looking than the others had been. And there was I, as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been.' Then with velvet paws, Aslan picks him up and placed him in the water, healing him, breathing on him, clothing him and finally sending him back to the other characters in the story."
The article goes onto explain the meaning C.S Lewis was portraying by this story. Much like this story, God has been putting me through this skin peeling process (metaphorically, not physically). He's stripping me of all the things in my life that I've tried picking off myself but it takes Him cleansing me of these things completely for it to really work.
Last summer I had those unnecessary layers of skin and this summer I have this new healthy fresh skin! I'm just so thankful for all God has and continues to do for me. My love for this summer is directly correlated to the love and mercy God has so graciously poured upon me. I just hope this love and mercy will become contagious. I'm more than happy to dance this dance alone, but it's more fun when others are involved :-)
Sunday, May 20, 2012
It's the little moments that count
I love this time of year. May, June, and July are my favorite months of the whole year! I love how the sun feels as it hits my skin the second I walk outside. I'm taking a May class right now that requires me to sit inside from 1:30-3:45. During this class I just sit and dream about being outside hiking, running, swimming... really anything that does not require being indoors. And as much as I usually enjoy my drive to Cleveland it really is just a tease for me now. As I ride with the windows down, I usually have my arm on the window seal where I can feel the wind along with the rays of sunshine. As much as I enjoy getting to experience the sun on my arm, it really makes me crave the sun even more. I really can't describe the feeling I receive when I get to be out in the sun doing something other than work or school. Today as I was driving I had the windows down, my hair blowing into knots (not complaining, it's totally worth it), and the sun delicately teasing me with it's dancing rays when I saw rain clouds up ahead. As I drove closer to the coming rain shower I was reminded of another delicacy that comes this time of year, the smell of fresh rain. I don't know if I've just been so busy over the past couple of years or what but today was the first time in years that I inhaled the aroma of a summer shower. It really was the most wonderful moment. The sun rays were finishing their last movements before the storm interceded as an intermission, only a few specks of water were falling to the ground, and the temperature was perfect. It was in this moment that I realized that this season is the only season that could make me love the rain as much as I love the sun. I just wanted to pull the car over, go to an open field somewhere and stand in the rain. I feel as if this season is a season of refreshing for me. Everything that once was seen as a nuisance or unpleasant will be seen in a different way, things will be given a new light. I feel as if there is going to be a new light in my mind, a new way of seeing life. What was once just seen as an ordinary hot summer day is now going to have a new spark to it. I am beyond ready for this. I'm ready to embrace the little moments such as my drive home today and enjoy my favorite time of year!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
"I" know the plans
Many have come to know this verse, "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11. It's a wonderful verse and it's one that I hold onto deeply everyday. It helps to remind me that God is for me and has great things in store.
Last night I woke up at 2:30 am and I couldn't go back to sleep til around 4. While I was laying in bed trying to go back to sleep this verse came into my mind. When it came into my mind i noticed something I haven't noticed before. It's says, "I know the plans" it doesn't say he knows and he will tell us, it just says he knows the plans. Sometimes I find myself getting frustrated because I don't know what lies ahead but this verse is telling me to trust God, because He does know. He knows therefore I don't need to and just trust in what he knows.
Monday, April 30, 2012
The Right Time
Today has been so wonderfully. I literally stayed in my pj's on my couch watching Law & Order:SVU ALL DAY! I know, this seems kinda like a pathetic way to spend your day, but for me it was ideal! I have a real bad tendency to have something planned at all times. Whether it's school, work, or something social, my calendar is constantly booked. When I realized that I wouldn't have school or work today, I promised myself that I would spend the whole day relaxing and doing nothing. I'm so glad I did this, it has been so wonderful not having to be anywhere or do anything. I was able to relax and enjoy my day.
As I tend to do on these blogs, I'm going to write whats been on my mind. Lately I've been thinking a lot about "doing good". It's one of those things that most people strive to do in life and as christians, it's what God tells us to do,"Turn your back on evil, work for the good and don't quit. God loves this kind of thing, never turns away from his friends" Psalm 37:27-28. Lately, I've been finding myself questioning when I do good for others. All it takes is one ridicule from one person to make you question your good actions for other people. I begin to question who I'm suppose to be doing good for. I think things like, "Well I know this will make this person joyful but it might offend this other person, so who am I suppose to do good for?" These kind of thoughts can really trip me up.
Then there are verses like this in Galatians 6:9-10 that say, "So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith." It's easy to weigh down on doing good and over think it. I know the thoughts I was having were only distractions from Satan. God calls us to do good for others and he warns us that we will get tired of doing it at times. That tiredness might come from people looking down on it, people using the good you do to benefit themselves, etc.. The list could go on. But no matter the reason for the fatigued we must not quit for in the right timing, it will all be worth it!
As I tend to do on these blogs, I'm going to write whats been on my mind. Lately I've been thinking a lot about "doing good". It's one of those things that most people strive to do in life and as christians, it's what God tells us to do,"Turn your back on evil, work for the good and don't quit. God loves this kind of thing, never turns away from his friends" Psalm 37:27-28. Lately, I've been finding myself questioning when I do good for others. All it takes is one ridicule from one person to make you question your good actions for other people. I begin to question who I'm suppose to be doing good for. I think things like, "Well I know this will make this person joyful but it might offend this other person, so who am I suppose to do good for?" These kind of thoughts can really trip me up.
Then there are verses like this in Galatians 6:9-10 that say, "So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith." It's easy to weigh down on doing good and over think it. I know the thoughts I was having were only distractions from Satan. God calls us to do good for others and he warns us that we will get tired of doing it at times. That tiredness might come from people looking down on it, people using the good you do to benefit themselves, etc.. The list could go on. But no matter the reason for the fatigued we must not quit for in the right timing, it will all be worth it!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Love Has A Voice, Love Has A Name
So many things have happened over the past two weeks. I have been all over the scale emotionally, mentally, and physically. I could sit here and type everything I thought, felt, and experienced but I really don't have the time to type everything out in detail and I really don't want to re-experience many of the thoughts and feelings again.
Instead I'm going to talk about where I am now and what happened to get me here. This past weekend I was able to spend time with some very close friends of mine. This time was greatly needed because they are experiencing the same difficulties and struggles I am experiencing. We've all been in this desert for a while. None of us are dating and have zero prospects. We're all pretty awesome women (I know I'm a little biased) and it's not that we need to have a relationship with someone, it's something we desire. We also know it's something the Lord has in store for us. We've all been in this desert for a while now and it's becoming more and more difficult to really understand why we are still here. We know the Lord has made us passionate women who love deeply and the waiting to share this love becomes tiring.
Recently the Lord placed on my heart to read Ephesians 5. I began reading and realized he is wanting me to focus on Ephesians 22-28 which reads, "For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. "
I'm a little confused after I read this. I mean, I want to be in a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage, but I'm good with waiting for the marriage part right now, I just want to take one step at a time.
Through out the rest of the day, this scripture kept running through my mind. The one key word that kept ringing over and over is "submission". Then the reaction the Lord had been waiting for me to catch happened, I thought, "Oh, that's going to be difficult for me".
Let me clarify the word submission. Many woman get bold and stand offish when this word is brought up. But I know the Lord does not mean the word submission to mean "controlling". If you read the whole verse the meaning behind submission is to trust. A wife is to TRUST her husband and follow in the decisions he makes. Again, this can come across as controlling but continue reading and see where the Lord commands the husband to "love [his] wife, just as Christ loved the church." In my opinion the man carries a heavier weight. He has to love his wife so that he can lead her in the way that is BEST for her wants, desires, dreams, needs, etc. Now if you were to meet a man who loves you like this, wouldn't you want to submit and follow him? Especially if he is leading in a way that feeds everything you have ever desired and dreamed of.
Now that I've clarified the meaning, back to my reaction. Even though the definition of submission is for a good reason in scripture, I still knew that this is not something that comes naturally for me. The Lord then took the context of submitting to a husband away and replaced it with submitting to him. He is my ultimate love, my husband, he only wants good for me. He wants to fulfill all my desires, dreams, wants, needs etc. As many times as he's shown me this I still find myself struggling to submit to him.
I was discussing this with one of my friends this weekend and I heard myself say what the Lord has been trying to tell me. He's been saying, "If you want a relationship that leads to marriage you need to learn submission. Let me teach you to be submissive. I will show you what this love looks like. I will show you what kind of love deserves submission. TRUST ME. For I love you so much that I've already died for you. Make ME FIRST. Fall more in love with me and you will have everything you have ever wanted and more."
Pretty heavy stuff if you ask me.
To continue in teaching me and reaffirming to me what he has already told me, I've been listening to Louie Giglio's series called Boy Meets Girl. In this series, he's been reaffirming that in order to have a God filling relationship you need to be in love with Jesus, making him the center of everything you do. I highly recommend watching the series.
So now, I'm feeling better than ever. I have a love with Christ that is everything I could ever want and need. He loves me so much! I just hate that I tend to forget how much he really loves me. But he's still with me, he's still rescuing me, he's still being patient with me. And most importantly, when he looks at me, he's amazed at who I am.
Instead I'm going to talk about where I am now and what happened to get me here. This past weekend I was able to spend time with some very close friends of mine. This time was greatly needed because they are experiencing the same difficulties and struggles I am experiencing. We've all been in this desert for a while. None of us are dating and have zero prospects. We're all pretty awesome women (I know I'm a little biased) and it's not that we need to have a relationship with someone, it's something we desire. We also know it's something the Lord has in store for us. We've all been in this desert for a while now and it's becoming more and more difficult to really understand why we are still here. We know the Lord has made us passionate women who love deeply and the waiting to share this love becomes tiring.
Recently the Lord placed on my heart to read Ephesians 5. I began reading and realized he is wanting me to focus on Ephesians 22-28 which reads, "For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. "
I'm a little confused after I read this. I mean, I want to be in a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage, but I'm good with waiting for the marriage part right now, I just want to take one step at a time.
Through out the rest of the day, this scripture kept running through my mind. The one key word that kept ringing over and over is "submission". Then the reaction the Lord had been waiting for me to catch happened, I thought, "Oh, that's going to be difficult for me".
Let me clarify the word submission. Many woman get bold and stand offish when this word is brought up. But I know the Lord does not mean the word submission to mean "controlling". If you read the whole verse the meaning behind submission is to trust. A wife is to TRUST her husband and follow in the decisions he makes. Again, this can come across as controlling but continue reading and see where the Lord commands the husband to "love [his] wife, just as Christ loved the church." In my opinion the man carries a heavier weight. He has to love his wife so that he can lead her in the way that is BEST for her wants, desires, dreams, needs, etc. Now if you were to meet a man who loves you like this, wouldn't you want to submit and follow him? Especially if he is leading in a way that feeds everything you have ever desired and dreamed of.
Now that I've clarified the meaning, back to my reaction. Even though the definition of submission is for a good reason in scripture, I still knew that this is not something that comes naturally for me. The Lord then took the context of submitting to a husband away and replaced it with submitting to him. He is my ultimate love, my husband, he only wants good for me. He wants to fulfill all my desires, dreams, wants, needs etc. As many times as he's shown me this I still find myself struggling to submit to him.
I was discussing this with one of my friends this weekend and I heard myself say what the Lord has been trying to tell me. He's been saying, "If you want a relationship that leads to marriage you need to learn submission. Let me teach you to be submissive. I will show you what this love looks like. I will show you what kind of love deserves submission. TRUST ME. For I love you so much that I've already died for you. Make ME FIRST. Fall more in love with me and you will have everything you have ever wanted and more."
Pretty heavy stuff if you ask me.
To continue in teaching me and reaffirming to me what he has already told me, I've been listening to Louie Giglio's series called Boy Meets Girl. In this series, he's been reaffirming that in order to have a God filling relationship you need to be in love with Jesus, making him the center of everything you do. I highly recommend watching the series.
So now, I'm feeling better than ever. I have a love with Christ that is everything I could ever want and need. He loves me so much! I just hate that I tend to forget how much he really loves me. But he's still with me, he's still rescuing me, he's still being patient with me. And most importantly, when he looks at me, he's amazed at who I am.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
"You hear the cry of every broken heart, You give the hopeless soul a brand new start. This is who You are!"
Last night, I came home from a very long day celebrating the marriage of two wonderful friends! When I came home I was mentally and physically exhausted. Satan had put a problem back into my mind that weighed heavier than it ever has before. It felt so heavy. I couldn't deal with it because I knew there wasn't anything I could do to try and fix it. I'd tried before and it only makes things worse. The problem felt so big it took out what energy I had left. I got into bed around midnight and decided not to set an alarm for church. I just felt so overwhelmed and literally depressed that I didn't think I would have the mental energy to go to church the next day. Though I felt mentally, spiritually, and physically exhausted the cool thing is that I could feel the spirit worshiping inside of me. It says in Romans 8:26-28, "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." I could feel this happening inside of me, despite the heaviness I was feeling.
I had decided not to set an alarm and would only go to church if I woke up on my own in time. Well the Lord clearly wanted me there because I woke up right at 9 which was the time I needed to get up to go. When I woke up I could still feel the praise going on in my soul. Despite the heaviness inside of me I remember noticing it and thinking, "well, this is kinda cool."
I'm so thankful for Godly people who lift us up when we need it the most. I'm also thankful that God is our comforter, he comforts us when we are in need. He also gives up all the "patience and encouragement we need to live in harmony with one another, as is fitting for followers of God." (Romans 15:5). And this, my friends, is exactly what I'm holding onto. There's no more heaviness for me, for things are only heavy when we see them as being bigger than our God.
I had decided not to set an alarm and would only go to church if I woke up on my own in time. Well the Lord clearly wanted me there because I woke up right at 9 which was the time I needed to get up to go. When I woke up I could still feel the praise going on in my soul. Despite the heaviness inside of me I remember noticing it and thinking, "well, this is kinda cool."
I'm so thankful for Godly people who lift us up when we need it the most. I'm also thankful that God is our comforter, he comforts us when we are in need. He also gives up all the "patience and encouragement we need to live in harmony with one another, as is fitting for followers of God." (Romans 15:5). And this, my friends, is exactly what I'm holding onto. There's no more heaviness for me, for things are only heavy when we see them as being bigger than our God.
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