Pulling Heart Strings

God really loves to get my attention and certainly knows how to. It's really not that hard of a task (most of the time). All he has to is have a hurting person pass me by and I'm all ears. 


God been doing this more and more lately. He's been finding ways to pull at my heart strings. The biggest issue has been Satan because as soon as God pulls at my heart string, Satan throws something else at me to distract me. But I've reached the point that I'm tired of the distractions, I'm ready to embrace what God has in store for me to do.


I can't completely blame Satan for my lack of persistence, I have a hand in the issue as well. I can easily become overwhelmed with what I'm called to do and tend to doubt myself and my capabilities. I'm taking this class called Social and Cultural Diversity. It's exactly as it's labeled, it's a class on many social and cultural issues. I'm reading a book on racial identity and one of the issues it has pointed out is the fact that White people have many privileges over people of color. I can't argue with this because I know I've never been discriminated against in my whole life due to my color. How this came about and how it's still fueled is a completely different discussion, but one thing the author said is, "with privilege comes great responsibility". That really pulled a heart string on me. Here I am, an educated woman, with a voice that can be heard, and I tend to spend the majority of my time in the shadows. 


Tonight in class we discussed the issue of Human Trafficking. It really is an issue that has always pulled at my heart string because I have a huge heart for women, especially adolescent girls. This whole issue had more than one heart string pulled. The professor for this course a sex addict counselor. He told us that many of the clients he has worked with over the years has stated that they go for vulnerable women, and they can sense these types of women with no problems. They go for women who clearly do not have a voice. Same goes for the children and women who are abducted into human trafficking. They are children and women who have been scoped out, whose vulnerability was visible..... they want the ones who do not have a voice.


Here I am. 24 year old graduate student. I have been well taken care of my whole life. I've been given the opportunity for education, I've been given a voice. My insecurity and self doubt has been the only thing keeping me silent. I want to over come this. I want to be a voice for those who do not have a voice. God has filled me with so much of his love, all I want to do is pour it out so that others can feel and know that there is so much more to this world than heartless people. It's going to require self sacrifice. It's going to require work. God knows I'm not at this place yet but it's becoming very clear to me that he's been working with me on this.


I really have no clue where God wants me or what direction he wants me to go in helping people. If I had it my way I would want to help anyone and everyone that has ever experienced injustice and/or needs love. But it's time I start stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something. 


Tonight I signed up to attend the Greater Chattanooga Coalition Against Human Trafficking meeting. It's a free event on June 7th from 11:00-1:30. I don't know if this is the direction God wants me to take but I feel like it's a good step on stepping out of my comfort zone. 

I wanna shine and I wanna fly just to tell you now, it'll be alright.

As I sat down to write this blog, millions of things came to mind to write about. Trying to narrow down what was important and what was just random thoughts were hard. Then I kept thinking about this article I read yesterday. It's called Summers Are For Seeking Christ. 


For those who see my Facebook or Instagram you are well aware of my love for summer. My last blog talked about my love for summer as well. So I think I've made it very clear how much I love this time of year. Sorry if you're over my enthusiasm for this season but I might as well warn you that it's not going to end, I'm still going to be declaring my love ALL summer! It just brings out the best in me and I'm not going to hold it in.


Back to the article, there is a quote from John Piper in this article that says, "God made summer as a foretaste of heaven, not a substitute. If the mailman brings you a love letter from your fiancé, don’t fall in love with the mailman. That’s what summer is: God’s messenger with a sun-soaked, tree-green, flower-blooming, lake-glistening letter of love to show us what he is planning for us in the age to come." Oh this just made my heart so happy! I've always loved the summer but I've never thought of it as a taste of what God has in store for us! The article warns against the distractions of this season and how it can cause us to lose focus on the One who truly matters. It's a really good article and I recommend reading it. 


This summer feels different from last summer. Last summer I was working 60 hours a week doing in home counseling. I love helping people but by last summer I was burnt out and vaguely remember truly enjoying anything last summer. Don't get me wrong, I had some great times last summer but my heart, mind, and soul were so tired. If you go back to the blogs I wrote last summer, you'll see how God was attempting to grab my attention and turn my heart into a new direction. 


I read another article yesterday about C.S Lewis's books and how he wrote a story about a boy whose greed and self centeredness turned him into a dragon. Near the end of the story the boy meets Aslan who tells the boy to undress and jump into a spring. The boy knew he meant to take off the dragon skin before jumping in. The boy attempted 3 times to remove his skin but each time he looked at his skin and knew it wasn't good enough. Finally Aslan assisted the boy and this is what the boy said, "'And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feelings the stuff peel off. … Well he pulled the beastly stuff right off — just as I thought I’d done it myself the other three times, only they hadn’t hurt — and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobly looking than the others had been. And there was I, as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been.' Then with velvet paws, Aslan picks him up and placed him in the water, healing him, breathing on him, clothing him and finally sending him back to the other characters in the story."


The article goes onto explain the meaning C.S Lewis was portraying by this story. Much like this story, God has been putting me through this skin peeling process (metaphorically, not physically). He's stripping me of all the things in my life that I've tried picking off myself but it takes Him cleansing me of these things completely for it to really work. 


Last summer I had those unnecessary layers of skin and this summer I have this new healthy fresh skin! I'm just so thankful for all God has and continues to do for me. My love for this summer is directly correlated to the love and mercy God has so graciously poured upon me. I just hope this love and mercy will become contagious. I'm more than happy to dance this dance alone, but it's more fun when others are involved :-)

It's the little moments that count

I love this time of year. May, June, and July are my favorite months of the whole year! I love how the sun feels as it hits my skin the second I walk outside. I'm taking a May class right now that requires me to sit inside from 1:30-3:45. During this class I just sit and dream about being outside hiking, running, swimming... really anything that does not require being indoors. And as much as I usually enjoy my drive to Cleveland it really is just a tease for me now. As I ride with the windows down, I usually have my arm on the window seal where I can feel the wind along with the rays of sunshine. As much as I enjoy getting to experience the sun on my arm, it really makes me crave the sun even more. I really can't describe the feeling I receive when I get to be out in the sun doing something other than work or school. Today as I was driving I had the windows down, my hair blowing into knots (not complaining, it's totally worth it), and the sun delicately teasing me with it's dancing rays when I saw rain clouds up ahead. As I drove closer to the coming rain shower I was reminded of another delicacy that comes this time of year, the smell of fresh rain. I don't know if I've just been so busy over the past couple of years or what but today was the first time in years that I inhaled the aroma of a summer shower. It really was the most wonderful moment. The sun rays were finishing their last movements before the storm interceded as an intermission, only a few specks of water were falling to the ground, and the temperature was perfect. It was in this moment that I realized that this season is the only season that could make me love the rain as much as I love the sun. I just wanted to pull the car over, go to an open field somewhere and stand in the rain. I feel as if this season is a season of refreshing for me. Everything that once was seen as a nuisance or unpleasant will be seen in a different way, things will be given a new light. I feel as if there is going to be a new light in my mind, a new way of seeing life. What was once just seen as an ordinary hot summer day is now going to have a new spark to it. I am beyond ready for this. I'm ready to embrace the little moments such as my drive home today and enjoy my favorite time of year!

"I" know the plans

Many have come to know this verse, "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11. It's a wonderful verse and it's one that I hold onto deeply everyday. It helps to remind me that God is for me and has great things in store. Last night I woke up at 2:30 am and I couldn't go back to sleep til around 4. While I was laying in bed trying to go back to sleep this verse came into my mind. When it came into my mind i noticed something I haven't noticed before. It's says, "I know the plans" it doesn't say he knows and he will tell us, it just says he knows the plans. Sometimes I find myself getting frustrated because I don't know what lies ahead but this verse is telling me to trust God, because He does know. He knows therefore I don't need to and just trust in what he knows.