Sunday, June 24, 2012

LOVE. Part 1

Tonight, I was reading my bible. I try to read before I go to bed on most nights. I usually pick it up and go to where I feel the Lord is leading me to read. Tonight I decided to just open to the place I had the book mark tab in and just read. I opened to Mark 12. As I read, I came to Mark 12: 28-31 which reads, "One of the teachers of religious law was standing there listening to the debate. He realized that Jesus had answered well, so he asked, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” (NLT)


AfterI read this I thought, "Well if God commands us to love him and others, then I guess it's important to look at his definition of love in order to carry this out." So I turned to the ever popular verse of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 which reads, "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud  or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."


I gave you the whole verse, but I'm going to be honest, I stopped reading in the third word of the first sentence that read "patient". Who knew such a word could carry so much weight.


If tells us that the most important thing for us to do is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, strength, AND to love others as well, then he's asking us to be PATIENT with all our, hearts, souls, minds, strength, AND with others. 


It's so easy brag about the time spent with God, going to church, etc. But what I got from this passage is that what God really wants us to do is to love Him with everything we have and by his definition of love, apart of loving him is being patient with Him with all our hearts, soul, mind, and strength. 


I will confess that I do not show God this kind of patients, yet he still loves me unconditionally. I will be the first to tell you that I will happily share what I have done for the Lord quicker than being patient with Him when things don't go as I planned them. God shows me so much love and so much patience and I hate to say that I do not give it back very freely in return.


The beauty of God's love is that he does not need us to give Him love, He's fine without it, but He does want us to love Him, because he knows it's what will bring us the most joy and fulfillment. 


After moving past the reality of the first word in describing love, I knew I would find that I do not live and love God in the other ways he describes love. But this motivates me to want to be this way, to want to love him with all my heart, soul, mind, strength, and others in the way he tells us to. And the cool thing is that I can! He models this kind of love with me everyday!


I have more that I would like to share about being patient with God and the other descriptions he gives to help us know what he means by love but I am exhausted so part 2 of this blog will come at a later time......

Thursday, June 21, 2012

"You are good when there's nothing good in me."

God has been so good to me lately!

This month has been a whirl wind. There have been so many things that have taken place that has really had my emotions all over the board. Despite all the tragedies and illnesses, God has really shown his light of love on me over the past week and I am so grateful for it!

Today I was listening to a song and a line in the song said, "When my faith is getting weak and I feel like giving in, You breathe into me again."Near the beginning of May I started having allergy issues. It was kind of odd for me because I never really have allergy issues. It started out with the typical drainage and stuffy nose. Then I completely lost my voice. I hated this with a passion. I didn't really realize how much I use my voice until it was gone. Along with the loss of voice came a very annoying cough that would flare up at night as I was trying to go to bed. My voice stayed gone for almost 2 weeks. The whole time my voice was gone, I felt fine, just sounded horrible and was exhausted due to the cough that would keep my up at night. Finally my voice started slowly coming back and my nose was clearing up. Then the drainage started back and my throat started swelling. I was so mad! I thought the issues were leaving, but no, it turned into a sinus infection which forced me to go to the doctor (I really hate going to the doctor). I get the anti-biotics and for the first time I had a drain of energy. It took me about 2 days to get all my energy back. The swelling in my throat took about another week to finally disappear but the annoying cough was still hanging out.

All I had left was the cough and by this time I was so over my body acting crazy. I stay pretty healthy and hardly get sick so having these kind of issues for about a month was really weighing on my patience. But I was finally getting better and the cough wasn't keeping me up at night so I was glad to finally be getting back to normal when we received the tragic news that my 11 year old cousin had died. Needless to say, this was a tragedy for everyone in my family and anyone who knew this precious girl. It's been hard for me to process this death. For about 2 weeks I was completely scattered in my thinking. A death of a child is different from the death of an adult and I didn't know how to process the situation. I was 13 when she was born, so I remember holding her as a baby and have watched her grow up. I honestly pray no one ever has to experience something like this. It really is life's greatest tragedy.

So I went from dealing with the frustrations of an illness to dealing with a tragedy. Then, just to add the cherry on top, we had a group project that needed to be done in one of my classes (side note: Graduate school and group projects do NOT go hand in hand very well). Not only did we have to present on a topic, but we had to go, together, to something that was different from our culture and spend at least 3 hours there. Well we had set a day to go, which really was a nightmare to plan since everyone works during the week and I work weekends. But I'm usually off on Sundays so we had set a time for a Sunday. Well, as my luck would go, they just so happen to schedule me for the Sunday we had planned for and EVERY SINGLE ONE of my co-workers who were not scheduled was out of town. This was my breaking point, I just lost it. I hate crying and don't do it often, but this made me cry. I was so frustrated with how everything had been going and I was in need of something to chill me out. I called a friend, cried, and vented my frustrations. That same week I also met with another wonderful Godly friend of mine who really just help lift my spirits. This was my turning point.

Ever since the encouragement of my wonderful friend, God kept sending people who are encouraging and uplifting into my path. For the past 2 weeks I have been around people who have made me laugh, who have spoken positive things over me, and who have encouraged me. God knew that this was exactly what I needed. As the lyrics I posted early stated, I was at a point where I felt I was at the bottom, I felt like darkness was the only thing surrounding me, and then, just as I thought I couldn't make it any further, God just breathed life into me.

I look back and think, how silly for me to doubt that God would come through. But it's really not silly, it's just how we learn and grow in faith. If God gave us everything we needed right when we asked it, we would become immune to his goodness and not grow in faith. For faith is believing without seeing. If we always saw what God was doing, we would have no faith and God wants us to have it. For it says in 1 Corinthians 13:13 that three things will last forever: faith, hope, and love. I believe God mentioned faith because it's a vital character for us to have. And the truth is, we can't build faith if we can always see what God is doing.

I'm happy to report now that my health is back. I am now more appreciate of it than I was before. My family is still in need of your prayers as we go back to our day to day lives. It's been tough and it's going to continue to be tough for those who were around her on a daily bases. But I'm already seeing how God's goodness is shining through such a tough situation. And lastly, we got our group project done and it ended up being a good thing that we didn't go on a Sunday because where we wanted to go would have been closed. So in the end, God was good through it all. I've appreciated all the love and support I've received from so many people! I really am blessed beyond comprehension.