I said a simple prayer as a kid. It's amazing how when you're young, you oddly request the very things that the adult version of yourself would never ask for. I do not know how old I was exactly, but I remember asking God at a very young age to help me do what is best, whether that be for me or for someone else. I asked that I would eventually do what is right, even if that meant I was kicking and screaming along the way.
Kicking and screaming. There has been so much of that from me over the years.
I kicked and screamed (metaphorically) with God over a relationship I had with a family. I told him over and over again that they were good for me, that they brought a part of myself out that I loved. I told him I needed them in my life. The whole time I was involved with this family, I knew, deep down, that it wasn't meant to last forever. I fought so hard to make them apart of my life and to never let go.
Then one day, the truth emerged itself to the surface (like it always does) and I knew I couldn't fight it any longer. I finally put up my hands, faced the truth for what it was, and knew it was time to walk away. I wrote a letter, that to this day is still the hardest letter I have ever written, and told people I loved that I could no longer be in their lives. I didn't shed one tear while writing that letter. I had a peace beyond understanding fall onto me that helped me let go. Tears came later as I grieved that loss of a friendship and they came for months but through the whole grieving process, I knew it was what I had to do. There was no question to it.
Ever since then, I've had more changes take place in my life. Sometimes I have fought through the whole process and sometimes I laid back and just let it happen.
Despite all our best efforts, change is going to come, whether we want it to or not. People change. We change. Our circumstances change. To fight change it pointless. Yet, being the optimist that I am, I have come to look for the good that comes with change. The more I go looking for the good, the more I find it and the more likely I am to let change happen.
I have come to learn that change is not the enemy. In fact, most change happens for a good reason. We can easily become stagnant or unmotivated with the lack of change. We have the potential to become a better version of ourselves if we allow change in. When we stop fighting change, you just might find yourself waking up, living a life that is better than you had ever tried to make happen for yourself.
I think back and wonder how different my life would be if I had not fought with change so hard. What if I had allowed it to do what it was going to do all along? I think about the energy that went into the fighting, what could I have used that energy for if I hadn't used it on something that had an expiration date to it?
More changes have found there way to me recently. Except this time, I'm not fighting the changes. I decided that trying to control something, that is going to find its way into existence eventually, is pointless. There is no point in trying to stop something or make something happen before it's suppose to.
I had a dream, not too long ago, where I had a conversation with someone. This person in my dream told me, "What you so strongly desire is on it's way." Maybe it is prophetic, maybe it's my subconscious messing with me, either way it made me realize this: Our future IS on it's way. Maybe it's coming by horse and carriage from the other side of the world. Maybe it's on an over night flight and it will be at our door step the next morning. Whatever it is and however it's coming to us, it's coming as fast as it can and it's coming in its timing. With it comes change. If we want certain desires and dreams to be fulfilled, we have to find a way to accept changes along with it.
Change has a way of making us feel uncomfortable. It can bring out the 'fight or flight' in us. But maybe we need to learn to sit with change. Maybe we need to become comfortable with the discomfort. Change is going to happen, whether we want it to or not. It's just a matter of how we choose to cope with it when it comes.
