I like to make people happy. I will do things that I wouldn't necessarily do if it were just me and that was a choice placed before me. I do it because I really, really love seeing people happy. When you're empathetic, you can feel other peoples emotions so it's only natural to want to be around people who are happy. If they're happy, you feel their happiness and you, too, feel happy.
Yet, there's a trap that comes with a compliant nature. It's easy to turn that compliancy into self sacrifice. You begin to sacrifice your own needs and desires in order to make others happy. You find your self laying down, becoming a door mat for others so that you can feel their happiness.
The trap is laid and you find yourself creating a life dependent on creating an environment that makes other people happy so that you feel happy.
You lose your sense of self and you forget what it's like to make yourself happy independently of others.
A little over 2 years ago my current roommate gave me this key chain pictured above. At that time, I had found myself in the deep dark trap, not really knowing who I was or what made me happy anymore. She gave this key chain to me and I put my work keys onto it.
STAY TRUE.
Two words that follow me in my day to day work life. A constant reminder that has stayed with me, helping me to remember that it's okay to stand up for myself. It's okay to express my needs, wants, desires, and thoughts.
Over the past few years I have had the opportunity to rediscover who I am. To find what brings laughter to my belly, what brings the biggest tears in my eyes, what makes me feel all my own feels. It has been a process that will never stop. I constantly have to remind myself to pull myself back from people. To sit alone with myself and be aware of what I feel.
Staying true isn't that easy if you are a recovering people pleaser. There are times when you come to realize that what others need from you, you can't give. You realize that compliancy is not a healthy option for you. So you find yourself having to do the hardest thing in the world and that's speaking your truth. That means fighting all the knots in your stomach that lie to you, telling you that being compliant is easier than being honest. It means being vulnerable when all you really want to do is lay down and be a mat. Because getting hurt is easier sometimes than speaking your truth.
As the knots in your stomach grow tighter and your chest begins to hurt, you realize you can't hold the truth in any longer. Then, with a little help from whiskey, Jesus, and a slight push from a friend, the truth comes out. The knots are gone, you can breathe again. Though you might not always get what you want from the truth, the peace that comes with the truth is immeasurable.
For the truth was never meant to stay hidden. It was never meant to be put into a closet and to only fall out when it's over flowing with all the other truths you never wanted to embrace. It was always meant to live on the surface, no matter how uncomfortable it might be at times.
Your true self will ALWAYS come out. So you embrace it for what it is and you take a little advice from Cheryl Strayed book Tiny Beautiful Things:
"Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue."
