Can we PLEASE just talk about this!

Disney World... Mid-terms.....Thinking..... and the list could continue with all that is going on in my life as of this very moment. But I'll start off with my trip to Disney World. I forgot how much fun this place was. I wish I could have spent more than 2 days in the park, I felt like I was having to rush through everything things so that I could see everything. Not to mention the fact that we woke up before 6am two mornings in a row for the 5k that some of us ran in and the half marathon my mom ran in. But it was all fun, I'm very grateful that I was given the opportunity to go. I really enjoyed running in the 5k, I ran the whole time (which was my only goal) and finished in about 40 minutes. I had been running a full 5k on the treadmill in 35 mins but due to the mass amount of people in the 5 k, I was slowed down a bit. 


So I have to give a special shout out to my brother in law. He and I were the only ones to ride the Hollywood Tower of Terror at Disney world (you know, the ride that has a 12 story drop). All the way up to the drop point I kept thinking, "Why on earth did I agree to do this!? What was I thinking?!" When the final big drop came my whole body began to shake but it was TOTALLY WORTH IT! I do not regret doing this ride at all, I would even go back and do it again. Needless to say, the trip was fun.


Midterms are this week and spring break is next week. You might ask, "What's your big plans for this spring break?" My plans are to complete an annotated bibliography, go to the middle school I'm completing my practicum at, and to prepare for 2 presentations for the week after spring break. I know, I know, I can get a little wild and crazy nowadays. 


So many knows this but I'm definitely a nerd when it comes to counseling stuff. I love learning about people and the stages they go through and getting a better understanding of why people do what they do. I'm taking Human Development right now and I LOVE IT! We're mostly focusing on Erik Erikson's Life Stages. The really cool thing about his stages is that as far back as I can remember, he's dead on about how we think and function at different times in out lives. The intro to psych class I'm doing my psych assistants in is going over these stages as well so I'm getting a double dose of everything. I have to admit, my heart just grows in happiness the more I learn about human development. Erik Erickson is pretty much dead on when it comes to the adolescent stage as well. Today the intro to psych professor was giving examples of things teens think, say, act, and do within these stages. I was blown away because I was like "Woah, I remember thinking that or doing that". I remember being in conflict with myself through this stage because I thought everything I was doing and thinking was wrong. I remember trying to change my way of thinking so that it would be more acceptable to the people around me. But now I've come to know that this way of thinking is essential to our development  and we all go through it. It really makes me even more excited to work with adolescents in school. Now that I have a better understanding of whats going on with them, I can not only encourage them and normalize what they are feeling and thinking, I can help parents to do the same. 


All this just makes me so grateful for where the Lord is leading me in my life. Yesterday I had something happened that reminded me of the calling the Lord has placed me in. I've known for a while what my calling is but I've been looking for people to know and accept this calling in my life instead of embracing it head on. I had a young teenage girl who has a really bad home life reach out to me yesterday. I've known this girl for a while and I randomly help her out every now and then, but yesterday it really hit me. I'm suppose to help young adolescent girls. I'm suppose to do things with them and interact with them, this is what the Lord has called me and gifted me to do. The Lord showed me that not everyone is going to accept this or understand this and he reminded me that we are not going to please everyone. This need to please others has really held me back. The Lord showed me yesterday that as long as I'm doing what he has called me and leads me to do, He will take care of the rest. He will reveal and give understanding to those who do not understand, I just need to trust him to do it and not try and fix the problem myself. Which leads to another issue I've had going on. I constantly feel the need to fix any hard feelings or problems. The Lord has given me the ability to know when things are not going well in someones life or if they have a problem with me. I struggle the most when I feel that someone is hurt or upset with me but won't talk to me about it. I can even sense the person is not consciously aware of the fact that they have an issue with me. It eats me alive because I just want to sit that person down and make them talk to me about the problem! I just want them to pour it all out and get every issue they have with me out so that I don't feel this sense of tension or sense thats somethings wrong. It really is pure torture for me to feel this way. But everyone is not like me and they don't always want to confront or deal with problems. So even if I confront people, I often get the "You're making this up" or I really don't want to talk about this look. You wanna know my biggest pet peeve....... NOT DEALING WITH ISSUES!!!!!! Especially if I'm apart of the issue. I can deal with the fact that you don't want to deal with personal problems, I can feel that way at times about certain things. But I CAN NOT handle when people have a problem with me and they won't confront me or talk to me about it. It doesn't make me mad, it frustrates me to no end because I can sense that theirs a problem and I want to deal with it if I sense it.


I say all this to say that the Lord is trying to teach me something with this. He knows I'll confront people about issues, He knows I'll deal with it, so he's not putting me through all this to see if I'll confront the problems. I've realized he's putting me through this to rely on him about the problems. In order for a problem to be resolved, both parties need to be willing to discuss the problem, their hearts have to be open to admit and discuss any issues. The Lord is teaching me to come to Him and allow him to deal and fix any hardship. Many times when I jump in and try to deal with an issue, I end up making it worse or just leave with it unresolved. This is because either my heart or their heart is not prepared to fully deal with the problem. So, I'm taking this new approach. When I sense an issue or a problem, I'm taking it to the Lord. I'm asking him to guide my heart and their heart. I'm then asking for the Lord to have them come to me with the issue. I need to be willing to wait and allow things to be dealt with in the right timing. As simple as that sounds, it's really a hard thing for me to do but the Lord is helping me. I'm just so thankful to have a heavenly Father who loves me enough and knows me well enough to know what I need.


Thank you Jesus, thank you for this life and this love you have given to me. I pray that anyone I've ever hurt knows that it was never intentional. I also hope they know that I love them no matter what because You love me no matter what. I admit that I'm not perfect and I never will be, but that you Lord  allow your perfection to cover all my imperfections. AMEN

Blast from the Past

The other night I was laying in bed and enjoying some much needed relaxation. As most people seem to do when they are trying to relax, I had my laptop. I was bored at surfing the internet so I started surfing my own computer. It was the best decision EVER because I ran across some OLD pictures. It was so much fun looking at old pictures. I was also reminded how blessed of a life I have had. As I flipped through these pictures I was just reminded of the friendships I've had and the ones I still have. Looking back at my years in high school and my years in undergraduate I feel like I've had the ideal life. I'm so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life and to share so many wonderful memories with them! I thought I'd share some of the pictures from high school. I hope you enjoy this trip back down memory lane as much as I did! Plus, you just never know who you're going to see :-)

High School Years

"Words can never say the way he says my name, He calls me lovely."

I tend to run into different struggles at different times in my life. It's interesting to look back and think of the things I struggles with then and the things I struggle with now. Then there are somethings that decide to find their way back. I'm not sure about you guys, but some things I would LOVE to be a struggle of the past. But just when I think it is, it creeps it's ugly head back in. I currently had a struggle decide to make it's way back into my mind, just when I thought it was gone for good. It's one of the struggles I hate and to be honest I'm really ashamed of. I might be speaking out alone on this but as soon as this struggle comes back into my mind, I want to ignore it and pretend like it's not there. 

Since this struggle has been back, I've felt that shame rise back up. I hear these things in my head, "If your really seeking God, you wouldn't have this struggle." "In the past you've screwed up in this area, it's bound to happen again and God is going to be really disappointed in you." This voice and these words and others just like them are not foreign to me. I've heard them before. In the past as soon as this struggle comes along I go into a dark corner in my mind, curl up in the corner, and hide myself from God. I do it because I want to deal with it on my own, I don't want God to see this struggle. I curl up in the corner because I feel shame. 

When this ugly monster reared it's ugly head into my mind again, I was tempted to fall back into my old patterns of how I deal with it. I turned and was ready to head to my corner when I was reminded of what Jesus has told me. He's told me that he loves me no matter what, he knows I'm going to have struggles and he tells me he wants to love me through them. He reminded me that in Christ there is NO SHAME, only VICTORY! In the past when I went to my corner I was like Eve trying to hide my nakedness, but Jesus knows my struggles and he knows the schemes of Satan and how he's trying to trip me up. In my corner I was out of Jesus's arms, I was running from his protection. I was trying to solve my problems by my own abilities and my own flesh. But Christ says, "Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!” Satan convinced me just like he convinced Eve that I should be ashamed of what I struggle with. What happens is this shame leads me to messing up. So this time around I'm not running, I'm sitting down with Jesus and telling him my struggle and talking to him about it. As I talk, the shame leaves and all I feel is love. 

I wanted to share this because I know everyone goes through seasons like this.  I want to encourage you in whatever your struggle is to take it to Jesus. He has the right to judge but he doesn't. He doesn't shower you with shame and guilt, he showers you with hope and love. Whatever you're going through, he'll be right by your side helping you through it. Trust me, it's worth it.