"Words can never say the way he says my name, He calls me lovely."

I tend to run into different struggles at different times in my life. It's interesting to look back and think of the things I struggles with then and the things I struggle with now. Then there are somethings that decide to find their way back. I'm not sure about you guys, but some things I would LOVE to be a struggle of the past. But just when I think it is, it creeps it's ugly head back in. I currently had a struggle decide to make it's way back into my mind, just when I thought it was gone for good. It's one of the struggles I hate and to be honest I'm really ashamed of. I might be speaking out alone on this but as soon as this struggle comes back into my mind, I want to ignore it and pretend like it's not there. 

Since this struggle has been back, I've felt that shame rise back up. I hear these things in my head, "If your really seeking God, you wouldn't have this struggle." "In the past you've screwed up in this area, it's bound to happen again and God is going to be really disappointed in you." This voice and these words and others just like them are not foreign to me. I've heard them before. In the past as soon as this struggle comes along I go into a dark corner in my mind, curl up in the corner, and hide myself from God. I do it because I want to deal with it on my own, I don't want God to see this struggle. I curl up in the corner because I feel shame. 

When this ugly monster reared it's ugly head into my mind again, I was tempted to fall back into my old patterns of how I deal with it. I turned and was ready to head to my corner when I was reminded of what Jesus has told me. He's told me that he loves me no matter what, he knows I'm going to have struggles and he tells me he wants to love me through them. He reminded me that in Christ there is NO SHAME, only VICTORY! In the past when I went to my corner I was like Eve trying to hide my nakedness, but Jesus knows my struggles and he knows the schemes of Satan and how he's trying to trip me up. In my corner I was out of Jesus's arms, I was running from his protection. I was trying to solve my problems by my own abilities and my own flesh. But Christ says, "Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!” Satan convinced me just like he convinced Eve that I should be ashamed of what I struggle with. What happens is this shame leads me to messing up. So this time around I'm not running, I'm sitting down with Jesus and telling him my struggle and talking to him about it. As I talk, the shame leaves and all I feel is love. 

I wanted to share this because I know everyone goes through seasons like this.  I want to encourage you in whatever your struggle is to take it to Jesus. He has the right to judge but he doesn't. He doesn't shower you with shame and guilt, he showers you with hope and love. Whatever you're going through, he'll be right by your side helping you through it. Trust me, it's worth it.