Hate is NEVER the answer

The internet has been a busy place this week. My Facebook page has been filled with post after post with people's opinions. I haven't said a word so far. I've sat back and watched as each post came across my newsfeed reading each and every single word that has been posted.

I'm not going to share my opinion on all the recent matters. Someone once told me that opinions are like arm pits, everyone has one and they all stink. The internet has become equivalent to a middle school hallway and I'm not about to stink it up even more.

But I am going to say this. No matter what you believe or where you stand in all the recent matters, HATE IS NEVER THE ANSWER.

Hate will not change people. Hate will not convict someone to choose a different path. All hate does is belittle people and hurt them. You want to change things? You want to make a difference in a persons life, then choose less words and instead give more time to people. Spend time with people who believe differently than you. Open your home to people who live differently than you. What you are going to find is that these people are just like you.

They have dreams, fears, scars, phobias, likes, dislikes, etc. Just like you. What might surprise you the most is that you might have more in common than you would ever like to admit.

I'll never forget a home I worked in when I was working as an in home counselor a few years ago. When I walked through the door, you could tell that it had been months since it had been cleaned. There was dog feces all over the floor. As I sat in the mold and bug infested kitchen with the mother in the house hold, I found out that she was an educated woman. She held three degree's, once had a successful career, and loved her family with all she had left inside of her. I sat with her daughter and saw pictures of the house. It was spot less at one point. There were no bugs, no mold, no dog feces at one point. What this woman taught me is that somethings (such as poverty, drug addictions, etc) do not discriminate. Don't be quick to think that just because you have an education, just because you grew up in a stable home or grew up in church that you are immune from falling into a dark hole.

Scripture has been tossed around and used as a way to spread judgment, judgement that no one has the right to throw out at people. But you know what scriptures I've yet to see? Scriptures like Matthew 7:3-4 which says, "And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, 'Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye, ' when you can't see past the log in your own eye?" or James 1:19-20, " You must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires."

So can we please stop the nonsense? If you have a problem with how things are going, write to the Senate, Congress, state Governor, Barak Obama, your mail man. Write whoever you want to write to in government. We live in a country where we still have the right and freedom to do so. You'll have a lot higher chance of changing things you feel need to be change through this method rather than posting your opinion on Facebook, Twitter, a blog, or whatever other social media outlet you use. I personally would like to go back to seeing pictures of your cute babies, your adventures, random movie reviews, and funny quotes on social media than to keep seeing political propaganda.

You are hurting people with your words, whether you realize it or not. And the ones who are getting hurt the most are sitting behind a screen, reading each word, and not saying a word.

Love is the answer people and I believe sometimes the best way to spread it is keep your judgements to yourself and go love on the people you disagree with.

A rant on being a woman.

I read something that I posted on Facebook today that I just loved. It was the question whether a woman preferred to be texted or called. The responses? One woman stated she HATED talking on the phone, another woman stated that if you really wanted to talk to her, you would call her. What was the men's response to this? There were no words from their mouths, just the word "dumbfounded" to describe their wordless responses.

This really made my day because it really describes woman so perfectly. I've been thinking about this and what it's like to be a woman ever since I read this and it sent me on a little rant of what it's like to be a woman.

First off, I just want to say that I love being a woman. It truly is hard at times, but I love being who I am. I also love having friendships with women. I have had the privilege to meet and form relationships with many women and I'm here to tell you, there are some beautiful, intricate women in this world whose hearts are full of goodness.

But if you get down and honest, women are sometimes the hardest to get along with and the hardest to understand. I've not only heard men say this but I've heard other women say it as well. I'm almost positive psychology was created not only to understand people in general, but to add some scientific equations in the quest to understand a woman.

Though it would be great to have an equation to understand women (trust me guys, we would use the same tool on each other if there was such a thing) there has yet to be one and there never will be. Want to know why?  It's because we are ironically both simple and complex in multiple ways. There are parts in us that are as simple as "yes" or "no" and other parts that are so complex that you would beg for a calculus problem rather than to dive into the complexity of our opinion when it comes to why we would rather you place the silverware down in the dishwasher rather than up. This balance of simple and complex are not a "one size fits all" type thing. What might be more simple in one woman might be more complex in another. We're all so different.

Women are complex but isn't that what's so intriguing about us? Isn't that why, despite all the complications, we still seek to have relationships with women? Whether that be a friendship or a romantic relationship. Because not only can a woman be physically beautiful, she can be intellectually intriguing, and have a heart that is bigger and more beautiful than any rare gem you can find on this planet.

So no, we are never going to be simple. We are always going to be complex in one way or another. If you know a women who is 'simple' she's lying to you. I have yet to really get to know a woman who isn't complex once you really get to know her. Yet, there are woman walking around wearing 'simple' mask. They have tried to fit themselves into these boxes because somewhere along the way they got the idea that to live outside of the box is undesirable. It could have been a man who made them believe this or another woman. It doesn't matter who told them, they sadly somehow morphed this lie into truth in their life.

I once had a man tell me he wanted to know who I was. It was a simple question, yet it changed my world to this day. The fact that at 26 years of age, he was the first person (let alone guy) who sincerely wanted to know what was inside of me changed me. It made me aware of how simple I was trying to make myself to be (when I'm not). It made me realize how I had hidden parts of me just so that I would never be a burden to anyone.

I'd sadly somehow come to the conclusion along the way that to be complex would be a BURDEN to someone.

Whether that guy genuinely wanted to know what is inside of me, I'll probably never know, but it did make me want to know what's inside. It made me want to take off my running shoes and finally sit with this big heart inside of me and not run when I didn't truly understand what was there. It lit a flame of hope in me that one would really want to know that and that they wouldn't run and hide when they came to realize that to really answer that question would require years of adventures, life events, and hours upon hours of conversation.

To all the women out there. Don't be afraid of what's inside of you. While avoiding the bad you're going to miss out on all the good things that live beneath the dirt and muck. You'll be surprised to find that you're more beautiful, mud and all, than you ever truly believed. You don't need someone to come into your life to make you believe it, you need to believe it for yourself first.

To all the men out there. Sorry (but not really sorry), we are never going to be simple. We are never going to be fully understood in just a few conversations. But I encourage you not to run the minute you become aware that you're sitting across the table from a woman who scares the shit out of you. Truth is, if she's willing to come back and sit across the table from you again, you probably scare the shit out of her, too. We're human, too. We are just as scared to know your heart as you are to know ours (hell, half of us are scared of our own). 

Women's hearts are big and complex but I promise you, whether you are a man or a woman, you won't regret diving head first in.