I am not a morning person, not even for Jesus.

I was born on January 18th, 1988 around 10am. After the nurses cleaned me up, everyone looked down at me and saw that I had my bottom lip sticking out. You wanna know why? Because I DO NOT LIKE MORNINGS. I am not fully functioning to my fullest until around noon. It has been reported by my parents that I have always been like this and as long as I can remember, I have never liked mornings.

Last night I was having random dreams, I can't recall them but I remember something about my phone ringing and thinking that it was a very important phone call. I woke up and it was 7 AM. I remember the dream and again had a feeling I needed to look at my phone. I picked it up and had 2 missed calls and a voicemail. I did not know the number that had called me. So me being my grouchy self thought, I'll wait to check the voicemail later, it's probably someone who called the wrong number, or a doctors office calling. I then looked at the time and saw that the missed calls were at 5:50 am (ruling out the doctor office excuse). I put my phone down and roll over in attempt to go back to sleep. Instead of falling back to sleep I kept having this intense feeling that I needed to listen to the voicemail. I couldn't shake the feeling so I listened to the voicemail. It was an old client of mine that I had discharged before I left my job. She sounded upset and had asked that I please call her. I deleted the message and put my phone back down being a little annoyed. I laid in bed thinking "God, I know I'm suppose to love people and I know I'm suppose to be there for them, but do you mind lowering the amount of people you are sending my way." I then continued to tell him that I will go back to sleep and call her back after I wake up. I roll over in attempt to fall asleep, again. I lay for another couple of minutes knowing I need to call her back. Finally, I pick up the phone and call her. Her daughter had stolen a car and was caught. The girl was brought home by the police and then ran away when her mom attempted to take her to a residential facility. She just needed someone to talk with because she was overwhelmed and didn't know what to do. After listening and helping her, I hung up the phone and laid in bed, awake.

Yesterday in class my professor posted this verse Romans 15:1-2 "Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, 'How can I help?'"

The "not just do what is most convenient for us" really hit me. I really love people and I really love helping them, but I'm really bad about wanting to do it when it's convenient. I joyfully help when I'm prepared for it, when I'm fully rested, or when I'm at my best. But I'm here confessing that there was no joy this morning. It reminded me that I am a broken person and I'm not always going to be able to serve God joyfully when I do it to my convenience. 

I needed reminding that I am ultimately cursed with sin. I am a broken person who has been made whole through the love and sacrifice of Jesus Christ. And with his rescue comes strength, strength that is not to be hoarded but shared from one broken person to another.

God wasn't surprised at my attitude this morning, but he definitely showed me that when I commit to him I have to make sacrifices and sometimes those sacrifices come in the morning :-)


Have you ever had a moment like this?