Saturday, March 29, 2014

"Here, I stand on the edge of the ledges I've made."

"When the good, God-given heart in you is stirred, it’s almost always for something the world needs anyway. In big and small ways." -Tsh Oxenreider

I love this quote. Tsh wrote it in a blog called What makes you come alive. It's a fantastic and very inspiring blog.  

I've been a little obsessed with blogs recently. I find myself reading one almost everyday. In May, I'll have been out of school for almost a year. It's interesting how school enlightens that intellectual part in a person. Every week, your mind is being challenged to think bigger, broader, to really challenge who you are and what you believe. I had no idea how much this fed me as a person until after I finished. I had become so use to the prompting by professors and classmates to really think about things that I had no idea that I had become dependent on that. I had no idea the importance this placed in my life. To be prompted to think..... really think about things.

Now that I'm aware of how important it is for me to be challenged, I've been reading many blogs. I've really enjoyed it and realized how much I really enjoy to think about things. I've also discovered that this is a healthy habit for me. I'm very much of a thinker. I'm constantly thinking about something all the time... Actually, I'm typically thinking about multiple things all the time. This is a good thing, but it can also be a bad thing. If I'm not careful, my mind wonders to places that are not good.... like the future. I've come to learn that I'm HORRIBLE about thinking about the future. My mind has become so consumed with worrying about what the future holds for me, that I've come to overlook so many good things that are in the present. I've made it a challenge to really discipline my mind to be more present focus. I want to take in each day as it is handed to me. I want to stop worrying about what the next day, week, or month is going to have in store for me. I want to really take in each minute and appreciate the fact that I will never get that minute or hour back. 


Being present also requires that I trust God more. I have now read TWO completely different blogs from two different people talking about trust. BOTH blogs gave the exact story of a mans encounter with Mother Teresa. One is called Ruthless Trust and another is called The Day I Stopped Asking God for Clarity. Great reads! Not to mention, my dear friend sent me a text of her morning devotion talking about staying present.

God really likes to make sure I REALLY get things. So he tells me the same thing, through multiple people, in multiple ways. That way, I don't second guess myself. He knows I'm bad about that.

So here I go..... I'm on a whole new journey. I'm taking life by the horns and I'm driving my way through.... blindfolded. I am terrified, I am worried, I am skeptical, I am so many things at this point. But its different from anything I have done before. I typically try to control things in my life and make what I want happen, but not this time. No, I ended up hurting myself and others in that process. I will not let that happen again. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize, my eyes on the goal and praying I'm better off on the other side. 

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