For You.

"All you can do is love unconditionally."

Those were the words that came flooding out of my moms mouth. 

I was driving home, exhausted, and tears streaming down my face. 

I already feel things pretty heavily as it is but I feel them 10 times stronger when I'm tired. If all energy has been drained from this little body of mine, I tend to not have the energy to deal with my strong feelings and I can't help but overreact to how I feel. 

Loving unconditionally. That has been on my mind ever since those simple, yet not so simple, words found their way out of my mothers mouth into my ears. 

Unconditional love along with tragedy and truth. 

Unconditional love. Tragedy. Truth. An unlikely trio. 

Yet, they have been dancing in step with each other as if they were made for each other. As if their little feet are creating a symphony.

Maybe I think too much. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it's a bad thing. 

All I know is that everyday I have to tell this little big heart of mine to love you. Everyday I have to let go of the things I can't control. 

If I've learned anything about unconditional love it's that control cannot be anywhere in the recipe. 

Everyday I think more about you than I ever want to admit. I think about the gray in your hair and how life, love, and tragedy brought it out. I can't stop thinking how beautiful it makes you. It makes you so beautiful.

Everyday I dream of ways for you to be happy. For you to leave the devastation of tragedy and find that you don't need an arm to hold onto. You don't need someone else's arms. I wish you could see the beauty and strength in that.

I'm not always good at letting go. It's my biggest downfall. But everyday I try and I'll keep trying. Because if there is anything I could ever want for you, if I could grant you one wish, I'd wish for goodness over you. I'd wish rivers upon rivers of goodness for you. 

I'm not sorry for feeling too much. I'm not sorry for being the girl who will run frantically into your direction and dramatically knock the cup of sorrow out of your hands. It's all because I want goodness for you. That's all I will ever want for you.