Insecurities.

Comma splices.

Run on sentences.

Grammatical error.

These are just a few of the things I'm sure I do in EVERY SINGLE BLOG POST.

In school, English was never my strongest subject. I heard time and time again how I write like I talk and how that's not the proper way to write. I remember sitting in my 10th Lit class in high school telling myself that I was going to focus and finally understand this thing called grammar. But it never mattered how hard I focused, I just didn't get it.

"Why can we just not write how we think?" This was always my underlining questions as I tried to understand the English language and all the rules that come with it.

I'll never forget. I'll never forget the one day when my confidence changed. I was in my 11th grade American Lit class. By this point I had accepted the fact that the rules of grammar and I would never be friends. I loved words and I loved to communicate, but I had decided that writing just wasn't my thing.

I remember having a creative writing assignment. More specifically, we had to use imagery in this particular writing assignment. I chose to write about the beach. I remember breaking down the experience of going to the beach and writing it onto my paper.

When our teacher passed back our papers, I had received a 100 on this paper. Not only did I receive a 100 but he had written a compliment on the paper, telling me how well I written the paper.

I was blown away. I had never received a compliment on my writing before. Yet, here it was.

This was just the beginning of a whole new genre of writing for me. We eventually began to learn about poetry and I found myself writing poem, after poem. I begin looking up poems online and reading them. I wrote poems about the boy who I had a crush on in school. I wrote poems about friends. I wrote poems about being bored. Poetry and I had fallen madly in love with each other.

I never thought I would find love in literature, yet here I was. In love.

I remember sharing some poems I had written to a person I cared deeply about at the time. I'm a deep person and these poems were deep for me. I don't share the few poems I've written to many people, because they are like microscopes to my heart.  The person never again, for as long as I knew them, asked me about my poems again. They never asked if I wrote more. They never showed interest so I slowly buried that part of myself.

When I first started blogging, I made it very clear that I'm not a grammar person and made an apology in advance. Though I've gotten better, it's still not my strong suit.

Do you know what I've learned though? I've learned that even in my weakness, I can be used. Even if I'm not the grammar queen of this world, God can still use my rebellious way of writing.

I started blogging hard core this year due to the struggles I've encountered. I found myself in a deep journey to reconnect with myself, reconnect with who I am, and writing has been a major part of that process. It has helped me to clear my head, to think clearer, and most importantly, to help me be honest with myself.

I have found that through metaphors and rhythmic words, I have a way to portray the truth. I have a way to write the truth down. If it's written down, I have no other choice but to stare at it. I have no other choice but to go back and read it, over and over again. I can't run from it.

It's been amazing to see how God has used me through this. Over the past few months, I have had more than one person send me a message to tell me how grateful they are for the things I have been writing. People I haven't seen or spoken to in years have sent me messages telling me thank you for my positive attitude and positive words. I have been so overly struck and humbled by these words. I had no idea that my words were really being heard by people. I had no idea that what I was saying and going through was being used as stepping stones to help others get through their own fog. I had no idea.

I've had something wrote Paul play over and over in my head recently where he says, "For when I am weak, then I am strong." For he boasted that in his weakness, Christ power is the strongest.

I'm just blown away how God has used my weakness and insecurity in writing to make positive impacts for people. I am beyond thankful. For all I could ever want for each person, whoever reads this, I want good for you. Nothing but sweet, sweet goodness for you.

So I'll apologize to the grammar Nazi’s and grammar kings and queens of this world. I'm sorry for the twitches and tiny heartbreaks I give you every time I break a beautiful grammatical rule, but I'm not stopping. I'm not going to stop expressing my heart to you. I'm not going to stop telling you about the beautiful colors I see every day. I'm not going to stop telling you about the goodness, the heartbreak, the tears, the joys, I experience in this life.

I can promise that I'm working on how I write. I learn by example and reading other people's writing helps tremendously.

God tells me too many good things to keep from sharing them with you. My heart has too much love in it to allow something as little as my insecurities keep me from expressing it. My words might not be perfect, but I can promise you this one thing: they are true.