Emotionally High Maintenance

I am not responsible for other people's emotional state. I am not responsible for other people's emotional state. I'm not responsible for other people's emotional state.......

I wrote this repeatedly the other day. It's something I have been preaching to myself for months now. It's a weight and a lie that I have carried on my shoulders for years to think that I am responsible for other people's emotional state.

I am not responsible for other people's emotional state.

It was a harsh reality the day I realized that I was emotionally high maintenance. Having to admit that you are high maintenance about anything is hard (at least for me it is). Having to sit yourself down and confront yourself about the fact that you are a feeler, you feel EVERYTHING. I feel my own emotions. I feel other people's emotions. No matter how I try to fight it, I feel things constantly, which means I carry a lot of emotions daily. When you look up the word "high maintenance" in the urban dictionary the first sentence to describes the phrase is, "requiring a lot of attention". This made me realize that I need more attention towards my emotions. But I didn't need this attention from other people, I needed it from myself. I need to check in with myself daily. I have to make it a weekly habit of sitting down with my laptop or pen and paper and require myself to be honest with where I am.

YOU are not responsible for my emotional state.

I had a beautiful and loving conversation with a good friend a few nights ago. As we each laid our hearts on the table for each other I told her that I didn't think people realize how much I think about them. I think about other people ALL THE TIME. It's insane really. If I were to put a percentage to it, I would say that I think about other people 70% of the time. This is actually an improved number. For most of my life it's probably looked more like 90% for others and 10% for myself.

You are responsible for your emotional state and your emotional state ONLY.

So what happens to a person who is emotional high maintenance but is only thinking about themselves and taking care of themselves 10% of the time? Well, that person puts the responsibility into other people's hands. You placed the responsibility into your hands to take care of everyone else emotions, so wouldn't it only make sense that you look for someone else to take care of yours?

I AM responsible for my own emotional state.

I'm slowly growing to learn that I cannot consume my mind with other people. When I consume my mind with other people I neglect my own emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. I have to believe that the healthiest relationships are developed with healthy people. You can only truly be a healthy person if you are not emotionally dependent on another person. You find yourself getting angry at people less. You take more off their plate and realize that it is NOT their responsibility to take care of you. If you are a full functioning adult, then you are responsible for you, NO ONE ELSE IS.

I am not responsible for other people's emotional state.

I am, however, responsible for my actions towards other people. It's my responsibility to speak love to others. When I am not taking care of my own emotional needs alone, I can be quick to blame people for things that are not their fault. I can be quick to speak truth in anger instead of love. I can be quick to push someone down when they so desperately needed a positive lift.

I am not responsible for other people's emotional state.

Yes, I am emotionally high maintenance. I'm not ashamed to admit that now. I'm emotionally high maintenance but the extra attention needed to manage this can only come from me, no one else. I have to build of lifestyle where self care is a priority so that I can support those who need to be supported. I can love people unconditionally without expecting something in return. Even though I'm not responsible for other people's emotional state, I do believe it is my calling to stand beside people and help empower them to take care of themselves, too. It's a beautiful thing to hand the wand over to someone and say, "I can't make you happy. Only you can and I want to help you do it." It's like helping a child ride a bike. In order for them to learn, you show them what to do, hold onto the bike for a while, and then you let go. You let them fall. You let them get the bruises and the scrapes. Though it kills you to watch them hurt, you know that if you don't let go, they will never learn. If you keep holding on, they will never experience the rush you feel when you coast down a steep hill for the first time all by yourself.

I am not responsible for other people's emotional state and let me just say, THAT IS A GOOD THING.