"Are you seeing anyone or in a relationship?"
I get asked by my students (because they are adorable and sometimes want to know as much about my life as they tell me about theirs). I get asked by doctors, random homeless men in the street, strangers in the elevator.
I really don't know why this question is always asked. Maybe it's because they notice I do not have a ring on my hand, maybe it's just to fill the awkward silence in the room, maybe it's because people just genuinely want to know about my life and that just seems to be the easiest question to ask at times.
My answer is typically, "No, I'm not seeing or dating anyone." Then as if I have just told them the most shocking answer in history, their facial expressions change and I'm thrown with the big question, "Why not?!"
I honestly do not mind having this question. I know for other's who are asked the same question it just depresses them and they just shrug their shoulders and say, "I don't know."
Me on the other hand, well I've decided to have a little fun with my response. You see, I'm about as simple as a Taylor Swift song and as complex as a paragraph written by Ralph Waldo Emerson. So what's a girl to do to keep a response simple, yet show there is more than meets the eye. So my go to response now is this, "there are worse things than being alone."
I LOVE watching people's reactions to this. Their whole demeanor changes. Instead of a sympathetic or confused looked, I change the whole dynamic of the conversation and am met with a little laugh, head nodding, and amen's.
The conversations moves into a different direction and people tend to change the way they look at me. I think it's because what I say is the truth. When I say, "there are worse things than being alone." I see the memories flash before peoples eyes. The heartbreak they had experienced themselves or of someone they love. It reminds people that as wonderful as a relationship can be, it can go to the other extreme and be one of the most traumatic experiences of their life.
I'm relational by nature and am a huge advocate of having and developing healthy relationships. So when I say, "there are worse things than being alone", I'm in no form or fashion downing or against relationships. I've just come to a place in life when I realized that if I'm going to have a relationship in my life, I want it to means something. I want it to serve a purpose greater than numbing the sting loneliness can bring you.
I was out with a good friend of mine the other night and I found myself outwardly reflecting on my life as it currently is. Thankfully, she's one of the best listeners I know and openly allowed this verbal monolog to take place in a busy restaurant on a Saturday night. I told her that I had finally come to a place where I realized that if I wanted to spend time with someone, I wanted it to be with people I enjoy. I do not need companionship just to share the same air with someone. If I spend time with someone, it's because I genuinely want to spend time with them. I told her that if no one is available that I would enjoy spending time with that I would just rather be alone. I would rather spend a Friday or Saturday night alone in my room, binging on criminal documentaries than to use someone for their time just so I do not have to be alone. I have finally come to a place in my life where time alone can be just as enjoyable as spending time with another person.
At the end of my rambling, I looked up at my friend and said, "I guess this is what it feels like to be healthy."
To be mentally and emotionally healthy, that is what I have been working so hard for and it felt good to realize that I'm finally there. It feels good to know that all the hard nights I had to spend alone confessing all the things I never wanted to confess to myself finally paid off.
It's real. This place of finding beauty in being alone and beauty with time spent with just a handful of people. I never knew it truly existed until now.
Valentine's Day is coming up. This holiday is actually my favorite holiday of the whole year. I've spent the majority of my Valentine's Day without a significant other, so it's become a day of celebrating the love I currently have in my life. As I changed the meaning for myself, it has slowly become a holiday I look forward to celebrating. Whether you find yourself in a relationship with someone or not, I hope you choose to spend this day celebrating love with the people you hold tightly. It doesn't always have to be with candy, flowers, or gifts. Sometimes it's as simple as a text, card, or even a big hug.
I challenge you, if you are one who dreads this day, to make it about something different this year. If anything, make it a way to remind the ones you love that you love them on this day.
And remember, THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN BEING ALONE.
HAPPY LOVE DAY EVERYONE!
No comments:
Post a Comment