Life.

Someone posted this today and I thought it was awesome, so I decided to share it as well.


School is back in motion and I'm going full-time. Since I commute from Ringgold to Cleveland, I leave my house about an hour before class, even though it's only a 30 minute drive, just incase I run into traffic. So I arrived about 30 minutes early to class today. I brought a book with me so that I could read while I wait. I was the first person in the class room so I was enjoying the silence as I read and waited. After about 10 minutes a few of my fellow classmates came into class (whom I do not know). I sat and read my book as they chatted a few seats away from me. As I was reading I noticed that I started hearing music. At first I thought someone's phone was going off, but the music continued and it became louder. I then realized that one of my classmates had pulled out her phone and decided to put her phone on Pandora while she waited for class to start. Don't get me wrong, everyone knows how much I love music, but this was just so odd to me. I felt like I was in a movie. You know how movies depict classrooms as this huge party before class starts, I halfway expected someone to come rolling in on their skateboard next. It really kinda annoyed me because this music was loud and to top it off, the girl was talking to the girl next to her and was talking OVER the music. Really? If your going to play music, either bring head phones and enjoy it by yourself or actually listen to it instead of talking over it. This incident really crawled under my skin, plus I lost interest in my book due to the music and loud voice blaring in the room.


There's my rant for the day. I think I'm really going to enjoy the classes I'm taking. Graduate courses are usually very interesting. I'm also taking a Non-Profit class where I have to design my own non-profit organization. Pretty pumped considering this was my side project I had planned to be doing outside of school.


In other news, a few friends of mine, Alyssa and Nicola, are about to move into some triplexes that are at the beginning of my neighborhood this week! I am SO EXCITED to have them as my new neighbors and I'm especially pumped that they are only 1 mile from my house!


That's all I have. God is still awesome and he continues to show me how much he loves me. I'm so grateful for all the challenges he continues to place in my life. Even though some days are harder than others, God continues to give me the strength I need. I can honestly say, that I am slowly falling madly in love with Him (Isaiah 40:31)

I am not a morning person, not even for Jesus.

I was born on January 18th, 1988 around 10am. After the nurses cleaned me up, everyone looked down at me and saw that I had my bottom lip sticking out. You wanna know why? Because I DO NOT LIKE MORNINGS. I am not fully functioning to my fullest until around noon. It has been reported by my parents that I have always been like this and as long as I can remember, I have never liked mornings.

Last night I was having random dreams, I can't recall them but I remember something about my phone ringing and thinking that it was a very important phone call. I woke up and it was 7 AM. I remember the dream and again had a feeling I needed to look at my phone. I picked it up and had 2 missed calls and a voicemail. I did not know the number that had called me. So me being my grouchy self thought, I'll wait to check the voicemail later, it's probably someone who called the wrong number, or a doctors office calling. I then looked at the time and saw that the missed calls were at 5:50 am (ruling out the doctor office excuse). I put my phone down and roll over in attempt to go back to sleep. Instead of falling back to sleep I kept having this intense feeling that I needed to listen to the voicemail. I couldn't shake the feeling so I listened to the voicemail. It was an old client of mine that I had discharged before I left my job. She sounded upset and had asked that I please call her. I deleted the message and put my phone back down being a little annoyed. I laid in bed thinking "God, I know I'm suppose to love people and I know I'm suppose to be there for them, but do you mind lowering the amount of people you are sending my way." I then continued to tell him that I will go back to sleep and call her back after I wake up. I roll over in attempt to fall asleep, again. I lay for another couple of minutes knowing I need to call her back. Finally, I pick up the phone and call her. Her daughter had stolen a car and was caught. The girl was brought home by the police and then ran away when her mom attempted to take her to a residential facility. She just needed someone to talk with because she was overwhelmed and didn't know what to do. After listening and helping her, I hung up the phone and laid in bed, awake.

Yesterday in class my professor posted this verse Romans 15:1-2 "Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, 'How can I help?'"

The "not just do what is most convenient for us" really hit me. I really love people and I really love helping them, but I'm really bad about wanting to do it when it's convenient. I joyfully help when I'm prepared for it, when I'm fully rested, or when I'm at my best. But I'm here confessing that there was no joy this morning. It reminded me that I am a broken person and I'm not always going to be able to serve God joyfully when I do it to my convenience. 

I needed reminding that I am ultimately cursed with sin. I am a broken person who has been made whole through the love and sacrifice of Jesus Christ. And with his rescue comes strength, strength that is not to be hoarded but shared from one broken person to another.

God wasn't surprised at my attitude this morning, but he definitely showed me that when I commit to him I have to make sacrifices and sometimes those sacrifices come in the morning :-)


Have you ever had a moment like this? 

"I wanna love you more than all of the things you wanted, than all of the things you're not."

Love....... love is magnificent. It can make the impossible possible. I would have to say that my biggest pet peeve is when people underestimate or short change themselves on the amount of love they can receive. The awesome thing about love is that there is nothing in this world that we can do to deserve it. It doesn't matter how many hours we work or how hard we try, we don't deserve it's perfection, it's patience, it's divine way of changing someone's emotions, mindset, or  physical well being. My heart breaks when people miss out on big opportunities because they have allowed the enemy to let them believe they are not worthy of it. 

I love analogies because they really help me to understand things better. So therefore, I'm going to use one now. Last week I had the privilege of having lunch with a friend who I have not seen or spent time with in a long time. She was updating me on her life, school, and work. She told me that she currently obtain a position at a hospital working in an area that will help prepare her for what she really wants to do when she's out of school. She told me that she had put in 40+ applications for a CNA position. She started to become discouraged because she knew she qualified for the positions but was not receiving any calls for interviews. Then she applied for a position that wasn't a CNA position, the position was BETTER than a CNA position, received a call for an interview, and was hired. As she told me this story I couldn't help but think how this situation really hits home with how I approach life and approach God in my prayer life. I'm always coming to him in request for things that I know I'm "qualified" for. I come to him with small request because I really don't think I deserve or would receive something more. After listening to my friends story I began to think, maybe God wants me to start praying for bigger things, things that are better and not just the bare minimum. God is love and he wants to give us all the love he has, so why am I so hesitant to open up my arms and willingly accept it? I know the answer to this question, my insecurity is what keeps me hesitant. My insecurity is what makes me look for reassurance from other's before I make a decision, it's what makes me hesitant to act out boldly, it's the one thing keeping me from experiencing the infinite love of God. 

Sadly, I'm doing the one thing I can hardly stand to watch others do.

Two slaps in the face and a stab in the heart

The title to this blog exactly describes how I felt after reading a passage from a book called "When Helping Hurts: How to alleviate poverty without hurting the poor.... and yourself" By: Steve Corbett & Brian Fikkert


I'm going to type out the part of the book that really woke me up so you can understand what I'm talking about. One of the opening questions in the chapter was "For what specific sin(s) was Old Testament Israel sent into captivity?" Before you read the excerpt, really try to answer the question for yourself.


You'll first have to read Isaiah 1:10-13, 16b-17 and 58:1-3, 5-10 (it's listed below), then read the following paragraphs from the book. I hope it impacts you as much as it did me.


(On a side note, I recommend reading this book. I've only read the first few chapters, but it's already fantastic)


" 'Listen to the Lord, you leaders of “Sodom.” Listen to the law of our God, people of “Gomorrah.” “What makes you think I want all your sacrifices?”says the Lord. “I am sick of your burnt offerings of rams and the fat of fattened cattle. I get no pleasure from the blood of bulls and lambs and goats. When you come to worship me, who asked you to parade through my courts with all your ceremony? Stop bringing me your meaningless gifts; the incense of your offerings disgusts me! As for your celebrations of the new moon and the Sabbath and your special days for fasting—they are all sinful and false. I want no more of your pious meetings.Get your sins out of my sight.....Give up your evil ways. Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.'(Isaiah 1:10-13, 16b-17)
'Shout with the voice of a trumpet blast. Shout aloud! Don’t be timid.Tell my people Israel of their sins! Yet they act so pious!They come to the Temple every day and seem delighted to learn all about me. They act like a righteous nation that would never abandon the laws of its God. They ask me to take action on their behalf, pretending they want to be near me.‘We have fasted before you!’ they say. ‘Why aren’t you impressed? We have been very hard on ourselves and you don’t even notice it! “I will tell you why!” I respond. “It’s because you are fasting to please yourselves. Even while you fast you keep oppressing your workers...... You humble yourselves by going through the motions of penance, bowing your heads like reeds bending in the wind.You dress in burlap and cover yourselves with ashes. Is this what you call fasting? Do you really think this will please the Lord? “No, this is the kind of fasting I want: Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people. Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help. Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.Then when you call, the Lord will answer. ‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply. “Remove the heavy yoke of oppression. Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors! Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.' (Isaiah 58:1-3, 5-10)


Why was Israel sent into captivity? Many of us have a picture in our minds of the Israelites getting out of bed every morning and running  off to the nearest shrine to worship idols. Indeed, numerous passages in the Old Testament indicates that idolatry was a problem in Israel. But these passages give a broader picture. Here Israel appears to be characterized by personal piety and outward expressions of formal religion: worshipping, offering sacrifices, celebrating religious holidays, fasting, and praying. Translate this into the modern era, and we might say these folks were faithfully going to church each Sunday, attending midweek prayer meeting, going on the annual church retreat, and singing contemporary praise music. But God was disgusted with them, going as far as to call them 'Sodom and Gomorrah'!


Why was God so displeased? Both passages emphasize that God was furious over Israel's failure to care for the poor and the oppressed. He wanted His people to 'loose the chains of injustice,' and not just go to church on Sunday. He wanted His people to 'clothe the naked,' and not just attend midweek prayer meeting. He wanted His people to 'spend themselves on behalf of the hungry,' and not just sing praise music.


Personal piety and formal worship are essential to the Christian life, but they must lead to lives that 'act justly and love mercy' (Mic.6:8)" (p.39-41)


If that didn't get you, maybe this will.....


"Economic historians have found that for most of human history there was little economic growth and relatively low economic inequality. As a result, the year 1820, after thousands of years of human development, the average  income per person in the richest countries were only about 4 times higher than the average income per person in the poorest countries. Then the Industrial Revolution hit, causing unprecedented economic growth in a handful of countries but leaving the rest of the world behind. As a result, while the average American lives on more than ninety dollars per day,  approximately one billion people live on less than one dollar per day and 2.6 billion- 40 percent of the world's population- live on less than two dollars per day. If God's  people in both the Old Testament and New Testaments were concern for the poor during eras of relative economic equality, what are we to conclude about God's desire for the North American church today? 'If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?'"(p.42)




Now can you relate to my blog title?

"I found my heart in You."

Woah........


That word completely describes the past week. 


If you have read my previous blog, you will remember how I had mentioned the ministry that God had placed on my heart to start. Well I'm going to be honest with you....... I was not prepared for the instant responses from people and I was DEFINITELY not prepared for how quickly God would open doors. Not too long after I posted the last blog I had my sister contact me telling me she wanted to talk to me more about the ministry. We met for dinner Saturday night and she tells me that God has placed a similar dream on her heart for many months now. She then opens a notebook with a written out plan of how to start a non-profit organization. My first reaction was to say, "That's too big, that is not what I had in mind." But I stopped myself from blurting out this reaction and allowed her to explain her plan to me. As she explained the process I felt God confirming in my mind that this is HIS plan, not mine, let him be the judge on how big this plan is to be. My sister even already has a name picked out. The ministry will be called "The Shelter Tree". She said it's based on the song Shelter Tree by Newsong. I listened to the song and realized this name is perfect.


After the overwhelming shock of what God really had in mind, I told my sister to give me the first steps, to ease the anxiety that had crept into my mind. The first step is to research other organizations and create a mission statement. Well I go to church Sunday and one of the members volunteers at Metropolitan Ministries downtown. For those who do not know about this ministry, they provide fundings to help pay for people's electric bills, rent, food, and other needs. He told me that I could come and shadow to see how things work and to talk with the director about the behind the scene stuff. So this morning I plan to wake up at 6 am to be at the building by 7:30am. Already the enemy is trying to throw barriers into my path because my alarm never went off. Thankfully God woke me up at 7:05. I literally leaped out of bed, threw on clothes and ran out the door. After praying that I would not get a speeding ticket and that the red lights would not slow me down, I pulled into the parking lot at exactly 7:33. It was such a blessing to talk with the staff and volunteers. I could only stay until 10:30 (I had originally planned to stay til 12 but thanks to my late wake up call I had to go home and shower for work) but I was able to walk away with many idea's and a peace that God is going to help me through this. 


I am also so thankful for the people who have come to me and already offered their time once the ministry is started. It's comforting to know that people are already willing to volunteer their time! And I'm especially thankful for Briarwood for their support in this dream that has been placed on my heart. 


It's only been a little over a week since God has placed this dream on my heart and he has already opened multiple doors. I'm still in awe of what he is doing and how he is continuing to confirm his plan to me. I just pray that I can be obedient to whatever he has in mind.

"It's taken so long, so long to finally see that your love is worth the risk."

I have less than 2 weeks left at my job. I am supper excited! Not only will I be unemployed in less than 2 weeks but I will also be at the beach with 3 of my amazing friends! I am so looking forward to this week in St. Augustine. I have been blessed with so many wonderful friends and love being able to spend time with them!


Speaking of friends my best friend Shelly is now married! I am so happy for her as she embarks on this journey with the one guy she lasted more than 3 months with :-). I also met another friend of mine, Lauren, for dinner. I've known her since diapers and even though she is married and lives 2 hours away, I love that we both still find time to meet up and talk for hours with one another. This weekend has been full of friends and I just LOVE IT!


Even though there are many things changing in my surroundings, it has not hindered God in the process he is putting me through. If anything, he is making himself more vocal to me and ensuring I hear what he says, even if that means being called out. And trust me, he is calling me out. He is not letting me use anymore of my excuses. He wants my attention and he is ensuring he gets it. I've always felt that God is to use me in a big way, I just never knew what for. I'm still not a hundred percent sure but he's placing people in my life to hold me accountable and not allowing me to shrug off or put off what he has placed on my heart to do. I am so grateful that God has led me to the church I am at. I'm finally at a place that his spirit is present. And it is there that he is building me and helping me grow so that his voice isn't a static noise anymore, but as clear as the music that is playing on my computer right now. Recently, God has shown me that this past year has been apart of his big plan. It is through my job that he opened my eyes to the needs of people. He has allowed the families that I have worked with to touch my heart. The things I have seen have forever impacted me. The other day as I was thinking about what to do after I leave my job, I began thinking how much I will miss the families I work with. Even though what I do is very stressful, I honestly and truly love the people that I am trying to help. I have had the privilege of seeing people who are hurting and giving them a little glance of hope. As I was thinking about this I thought, "I don't EVER want to forget these people and their struggles." Thats when God placed an idea on my heart. I want to start a ministry where you would go door to door and give families a basic need item, such as bread or milk. One thing I have learned is that money and food stamps are tight at the end of the month and the pantry becomes very bare in anticipation for the next months food stamps to come in. I want to bring these items to people's homes once a month, at the end of the month, to help them. I honestly do not know how or where to start with this but it's something God has placed on my heart to do and you better believe I am going to do it. So, if you have any idea's or would be interested in helping to do something like this, please contact me. My email is emilyrwalters88@gmail.com. I am open for any idea's or suggestions on how to get this started. And if you want to help, please let me know! I could use all the help I can get! If you are worried about going to people's homes it's totally understandable. But my intention is to use this to start relationships with people. It won't be to get them to come to a particular church or to ask them for anything in return. I just want to do what the church was intended to do and that's to go and show love to others. If you read through the new testament, Jesus, Paul, and other apostles WENT to people. They did not sit in a building and expect people to come to them. They went out and built relationships with people and ultimately showed them love. My intention is to bring back this old school way of loving people and ultimately show people the love that Christ has given to me.


Again, any comments or suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated. If you know of anyone who would be helpful, feel free to share this link to my blog.


Well, I'm done. I hope everyone is having a great week :-)

I will trust it's not the end, but a great beginning.

This is my very last weekend on-call with my job. YAAAY!!! It hasn't been so bad this weekend. I only had one face to face check, a few phone checks, and no crisis' s so far.  Then again, nothing seems as bad since I was on-call for Christmas this pas year. I worked all day Christmas Eve and all day the Monday after Christmas. The Monday after Christmas I actually was out on a crisis call until 4:30 am (those were dark days in my life). If you know anyone in the social work field and they have to be on call daily or on weekends, you need to be sure to give them a hug every time you see them. Trust me, they need it.

These next few weeks are going to be a blur. My best friend in the whole world is getting married next weekend, then I will attend another friend's wedding the next weekend, and then the last weekend in July I will be taking my happy/ unemployed butt to the beach with my WONDERFUL friends for a FULL WEEK! I cannot tell you how excited I am about this trip. It's going to be nothing but sand, sun, ocean, and fantastic company.

And yes, to those who caught on, I will be unemployed by the end of the month. I'm leaving my current job due to the amount of hours I have to work. I'll be starting school in the fall as a full time student in School Counseling at Lee University to hopefully speed up the graduating process. I started this past semester at Lee as a Mental Health Counseling student. After working in the mental health field for 1 year, I knew that mental health was not my calling. I'm pretty sure if I had stuck with mental health, I would have become a mental health patient myself. The mental health field is not easy. Sometimes dealing with people in general can be challenging, so imagine adding a mental health diagnoses on top of it. Trust me, it's quite challenging. But I learned so much by working this job this past year. As mentioned earlier, I had multiple dark days during this year. There were times when I felt so overwhelmed and stressed that I felt paralyzed in what I should do. I spent multiple nights crying myself to sleep because I could feel this weight that I was carrying for other people but the worst part was feeling alone in the process. Loneliness is one of the worse feelings and it can be a dangerous emotion. I know for me, it drove many of the decisions I made (which ended up not being good decisions). Now I know why people are terrified of being alone. But really the fear of loneliness can lead you down just as bad of a road as being lonely. 

This past year I have felt lonely and dealt with the struggles that come along with it. I can truly understand why someone would put themselves into a meaningless relationship just to prevent the feeling of being lonely. For me personally, I believe throwing myself into something meaningless would be worse than feeing lonely. I'll take loneliness over a meaningless/ superficial relationship any day. 

I'm currently trying to find a part time position somewhere. I'm not in a huge hurry to find something, I'm sure something eventually will come along.  July 30th will start a new chapter in my life. I'm curious on what will come along with the new changes I am making, but I'm opening them with open arms! I'm looking forward to the new challenges that are waiting for me :-)