Tonight was one of those nights for me. They creep up when I least expect it. Today went great. I went to practicum today and had a great day. I went to class and everything went well. I drove to a friends house and after I left thats when it all hit. I felt unwanted, unloved, and worst one of all.... lonely. As I drove home it grew. As I sat in the living room eating dinner by myself and watching TV, the ache grew. I haven't felt it like this in a long time. I then began to feel sorry for myself.
I left the living room and went to my room to watch a DVD a friend let me borrow called Finger of God. I was amazed at what I saw. I was not only amazed but I was struck with grief. I began to grieve because I was made aware of my unbelief (needless to say, I didn't feel sorry for myself anymore. I was actually mad at myself). I've allowed religion to put Christ in a box and make it out that Christ is to only look a certain way and act a certain way. If Christ were to show himself outside this box I created, I became uncomfortable and fearful of what others might think. God is so much bigger than a box and he's definitely can't be put into one. One of the ladies in the video stated that we've made the gospel more complicated than it's meant to be. It's so SIMPLE, we are just to LOVE. THAT'S IT! It's not a show, it's not a ritual, it's not a Sunday only things, it's not a church going, bible study things..... it's LOVE! It's an extravagant love. It's a love that jokes around with us, it gives us joy beyond imagination, it loves us despite our mistakes, it gives us a peace and understanding that is more than we could ever ask for. God's love will NEVER EVER DISAPPOINT YOU!
As a dear brother in Christ pointed out to me this week, my calling in life is the following verse, "All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
I'm enduring what I'm enduring because he will use me to comfort others in the same situation later in my life. I've talked about it before and I'll continue to bring it up, loneliness is one of the hardest things to deal with. Especially the way society looks at it like it's a "problem" that needs to be "fixed". Don't get me wrong, people's intentions are good and they are only trying to help. But looking at someone who is lonely and trying to "fix" their situation is not helping, it's hurting. To find contentment in loneliness is difficult enough, it doesn't help when people treat it as a problem. Just like being in a relationship, being single is a place in ones life. It has it's up's and downs. No matter what type of a relationship you are in, you always have seasons of struggles and during these seasons of struggles you don't hear people encouraging you to end your relationship, especially if you in a marriage. Instead you hear encouragement. That's what single people need too. We're in a relationship too, we're in a relationship with ourselves and it's a hard relationship to be in. I'm just not in a relationship with myself, I'm in one in Christ, and it's hard being the imperfect one in that relationship ;-)
My hope and prayer is that those who are in a relationship, don't forget about those who are not. And to those who are single, stop trying to get out of it. You are right where you're meant to be for now and don't be too prideful to be willing to go out with people who are in a relationship. Allow them to invite you into their lives, accept the love and relationship they have to offer. Christ did tell us "It's not good for Man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18). God has someone for you but we have to be willing to take what he gives us now.
I ended my night with a deep cry out to God to help me in this time of loneliness and unbelief. And you know what? He healed me. I have no more chains :-) I'm so happy to be loved by Him!
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