Today I was not able to go to church. I wanted to go so bad! But, I worked another lock in at the museum this weekend (I worked one last weekend too) and when I left this morning, I felt as if my body was filled with lead. I had to go back into work at 1:30 to be trained for a temporary exhibit called National Treasure Trading Post, so I knew I needed energy for that AND to complete the rest of my homework that is due Monday. It really did break my heart that I couldn't go, I just love church and hate when I have to miss it.
Speaking of the National Treasure Trading Post, it's pretty cool. They have all these cool rocks, shells, sand, and other environmentally cool objects. Kids can bring stuff they find at home and trade them for some of the cool stuff we have. It's really awesome! Since I'll be running the post some (right now only the science managers do) I'm having to learn all this stuff about rocks and fossils. I never thought I'd be interested in that stuff but it has been so cool to learn about! I remember thinking in my undergrad how horrible it would be to take geology, but now I'm kinda wishing I had! Instead I took a Weather and Climate course that turned out to be a bust. It was taught be a geologist expert (irony? I think so). Either way, I can't tell you anything about the weather now. Waste of time. If I had only known I would be having to teach people information about rocks, I could have actually used some knowledge that I paid so much money for. Today this kid brought a rock that he found at his house on Signal Mountain. Turned out it just wasn't a rock but a fossilized sea shell and sea corral. It was really cool!
Since I didn't go to church today, I decided to have a little devotion with myself before I took a nap this morning. I've been reading through Matthew bits and pieces at a time for a while now. Before I read I asked the Lord to give me what he would have given me during the sermon today. I don't know what the service was about today but he did give me something that is completely applicable to the struggles I've had lately. I've been struggling with many internal things lately and have been attacked in one way or another by Satan with my thoughts. It's been going on for a while now and I've been getting really tired of it. But despite my constant prayers and asking for help, the mental thoughts keep coming. I've been trusting the Lord and I know he's helping me, he just hasn't completely stopped Satan from his dark whispering and it's been getting exhausting. Back to my devotion, I read through Matthew chapter 27. This is the chapter that talks about Jesus's trial and crucifixion. I've read through this multiple times but today the Lord showed me something new in this chapter. Throughout the whole trial Jesus was being beaten. Many have seen The Passion of Christ and probably still have a mental image of what this looked liked. Not only was he being beaten but he was being verbally assaulted as well. People were mocking him and asking him if he truly were the Messiah why isn't he saving himself. As I read this it hit me, Jesus did have the power to end the torment he was going through. He healed thousands of others and he had the power to heal himself and end the torment, but he didn't. God had the ability to intervene for him and end the torment as well, but he didn't. Why? Because if he had stopped the pain, he would have lost us. He knew that their was a greater purpose in the pain. He knew that in order for every single one of his children to have the opportunity to be with him, he had to suffer. He knew that in order for all the promises that he made through out the years to come true, he had to suffer. What I'm currently going through is only a pin prick in comparison to what Jesus went through but his experience makes me want to have his mindset. I'm sure each time he took a beating he thought of us and how it would save us. He focused on the bigger picture, he put his faith in God knowing he only allows temporary pain for a greater purpose. I have no clue why I'm going through what I'm going through, but I have to remember that this struggle is temporary. He's promised me that it's only temporary and I need to focus and trust in this. God could and will end this struggle eventually but until then I'm going to focus on the bigger picture rather than focusing on the pain and struggle it's causing me in the moment. For "this too shall pass".
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