My heart trembles

"God's glory is on tour in the skies, God-craft on exhibit across the horizon.
   Madame Day holds classes every morning,
      Professor Night lectures each evening.

 Their words aren't heard,
      their voices aren't recorded,
   But their silence fills the earth:
      unspoken truth is spoken everywhere.

 God makes a huge dome
      for the sun—a superdome!
   The morning sun's a new husband
      leaping from his honeymoon bed,
   The daybreaking sun an athlete
      racing to the tape.

That's how God's Word vaults across the skies
      from sunrise to sunset,
   Melting ice, scorching deserts,
      warming hearts to faith.

 The revelation of God is whole
      and pulls our lives together.
   The signposts of God are clear
      and point out the right road.
   The life-maps of God are right,
      showing the way to joy.
   The directions of God are plain
      and easy on the eyes.
   God's reputation is twenty-four-carat gold,
      with a lifetime guarantee.
   The decisions of God are accurate
      down to the nth degree.

 God's Word is better than a diamond,
      better than a diamond set between emeralds.
   You'll like it better than strawberries in spring,
      better than red, ripe strawberries.

 There's more: God's Word warns us of danger
      and directs us to hidden treasure.
   Otherwise how will we find our way?
      Or know when we play the fool?
   Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh!
      Keep me from stupid sins,
      from thinking I can take over your work;
   Then I can start this day sun-washed,
      scrubbed clean of the grime of sin.
   These are the words in my mouth;
      these are what I chew on and pray.
   Accept them when I place them
      on the morning altar,
   O God, my Altar-Rock,
      God, Priest-of-My-Altar."
  Psalms 19


I've had this feeling lately that I can't seem to shake off. I've felt very troubled lately. I've been trying to find the source of this feeling but I can't seem to find it. It just stays, in the middle of my chest, day and night, not wanting to leave. The more I try and analyze it, the more it seems to grow. I've asked God in multiple ways to just take it away or reveal why it's weighing so heavy on me. Yet it just stays. 


I have felt that this weight I've been feeling comes from unfulfilled desires. I feel that many of the desires I have and have always had are still in waiting and now they are becoming weary. They are weary out of fear that they will never be fulfilled, that they will be left to slowly die off. The fear has caused them to awaken and weigh on me, to make me aware of what they fear the most, death. So what does one do in this situation? How do you comfort these desires and take away their fear without giving them proof? I have to feed them scripture. I have to tell them not to fear, for God has made a promise and he always fulfills his promises. No matter what I feel and what my desires cry out for, I have to remind them that God is enough, he can and will sustain those desires. HE will fulfill them. Our pastor at church has been talking a lot about worship and how worship only matters if Jesus is apart of it. The instruments used are worthless and pointless unless God shows up. I think this is the same for the things my heart desires. It's not the situations or things that are fulfilling. They are only fulfilling if God gives you them, if he sets them up. His hand has to apart of it in order to be completely fulfilling. This is what I'm having to lecture to my heart as it tries to fulfill it's desires on it's own. I have to gently tell it no, that it's not a person or thing that will make it happy, but only Christ and Christ alone. For the real desires of my heart are heavier and greater than any person could ever carry. I just have to keep telling it to hold on, hold on, hope is coming.


As I was sitting here writing this blog, I looked onto my desk where I have a verse. It says, "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation, and my God." Psalm 42:11 Despite the reasoning for what I'm feeling and the way it weighs me down I have to hope in God. For in the right timing he will come, he always does.