It's good to be back

My heart has been bubbling since last night.

I was able to enjoy the Fourth of July with a few close friends of mine. We laughed, played games, and enjoyed each others company through out the night.

After I left, I was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed to be able to enjoy the company with friends again and to feel like myself.

That was the best. To feel like myself again. To laugh from the pit of my stomach. To allow my joy to rise to the surface and to express it in my overly energetic way.

It felt so good to be in my own skin again. To not have extra weight weighing on my heart. To have the worry of trying to make something work that isn't suppose to work. To not be hiding anything.

That's been the best part. Not hiding anything anymore.

My brother got really mad at me when I went off to college. He was mad because when I was in high school I told my mom exactly where I was going, who I was hanging out with, and exactly what we planned to do. I was always completely honest in this, I never had anything to hide. He hated it because my mom expected him to do the same for her. My brother is a lot more private than me and hates telling people what he's doing. Not that he ever did anything he wasn't suppose to either, he just likes his privacy.

I, on the other hand, have always loved being honest. I have always preferred to wear my heart on my sleeve and not hide anything from people.

I had been hiding so much and it was weighing me down. I hated it. I hated every minute of it.

But now, it's out and I feel so much better. I feel like I've lost 100 pounds if guilt and shame.

It feels so good to be back. So good.