Dreams.

Dreams. Dreams. Dreams. This girl is living her dream every single day, but I know it’s just the beginning. It’s just the first step, the beginning of something grander, something more brilliant than I could have ever imagined or DREAMED of.

The only problem that I have found to stumble me is fear. Fear, doubt, and lack of self-confindence to step out of that box. To step out and be so much more, to allow God to use me in such a bigger way.

He’s made me for it. He didn’t make me to fit in a box (something I’ve cultivated and have been trying to do for YEARS). It wasn’t until a few months ago, that God came and resuscitated me. He breathed the bigger dream back into me. He has so much more in store for me.

But it’s like I’m walking around with a fog machine, each level labeled “fear, doubt, low self worth” Sometimes I have one level pushed in, sometimes I have them all, making my vision blurry, making it hard for me to look at my loving Savior, to look at him and see the beautiful picture he has laid out for me.

It’s an easy fix, all I have to do is put down the fog machine, but I just can’t. I can’t seem to un-cling it’s warmth from my grip, I’ve found security in the fog, I’ve found security in the fuzzy view. Because if I see, if I truly see, I know I’m responsible for what I see. I could be like Jonah and run, but I’ve found myself in the stomach of a whale too many times to do that again. So instead, I’ll stand with my fog machine, making things unclear so that I never have to move.

BUT I HAVE TO MOVE. I DO. I need to move for my sanity, so that I can be ME. I’m tired of this girl who is too afraid to see who she truly is, to see that she isn’t small, that God made her with a BIG heart and BIG BIG plans!