I actually wrote this about a year and half ago. I was in my second year of graduate school and was going through a major self analyzing/ making changes, phase in life. It's funny how you battle something, find the answers, feel you defeat it, then find yourself right back where you started.
'Tis life.
I'm really glad I wrote about this, it really helped me to evaluate who I'm around now and being aware of how the type of people you talk with really do impact you as a person. I hope you enjoy this past blog as much as I did.
"I am a passionate person. When I believe in something or I love something, my passion is easily displayed through conversations or actions. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, I'm just sharing what has been told to me by multiple people. It makes me very happy that people are able to feel my passion because when I am passionate, I don't want to keep it to myself. I want everyone in the WORLD to know how I feel. But there's one thing that can happen to passionate people, they can lose their passion by being around, what I call, passion killers. It's not a particular type of person, personality type, or individual. It's more of a group of people. Now it's not a group of people who you are around most of the time, it can be one group plus another group that triggers the passion killing. I hope your following what I'm trying to say here. I'm not judging anyone or any group because no one sets out to kill people's dreams (well unless you have a personality disorder which is only like 5% of the population so no need to worry about running into these types of people on a daily bases). What I'm trying to communicate is that if you are with a group of people who each time you hang out with them, aspiring dreams are never discussed or as a group you never plan to work together to support a members dreams, you are unknowingly becoming a passion killer to someone.
It's funny how this struck me. Like I said before, I'm a very passionate person and I tend to feel passion a lot but lately it's been something I've struggled with. The majority of the problem is spiritual. My passion is the one thing that satan is always trying to trip me up on. But I believe we have a choice and need to be aware of some of the enemies tactics. The other day I was in my non-profit class. Our assignment in the class was to create our own non-profit project and present it to the class. Tuesday I was in class listening to some of my colleagues present their dreams and passions. I cannot tell you how refreshing it was to be amongst people talking about something they are passionate about. It changed the atmosphere in the room. After I left class, I spent half of my trip back home in tears because I was heart broken that I'm rarely in an environment like that. It has become so rare to be in a social setting where you can be vulnerable enough to express your passion and even if your brave enough to do it a lot of the times you get little or no response, therefore your passion that you have just expressed is left to wither instead of grow. This really makes me sad. My theory behind this is that most relationships with people are superficial. Sadly, some of the most superficial relationships are with people you calls friends or even a best friend. The other day I was on pinterest (such a baaad addiction!) and I found a quote that said, "The average person tells 4 lies a day or 1460 a year; a total of 87,600 by the age of 60. And the most common lie is: I'm Fine." And you want to know where my first thought went to after I read this, was church. I can't tell you how many times I walked into the church doors and I was no where close to being OK or fine but when I was asked "How are you?" my response was, "I'm fine". Its so refreshing to finally be at a church where this is no longer a problem.
Oh! If you only knew how much this hurts my heart! I would give anything to smack the enemy in the face for messing up relationships the way he does. I've met multiple people who are so wonderful and so full of life, yet they are crawled up into the lie of "I'm fine", when in reality, I know they are about to explode on the inside. But, the sad reality is that when we are in a social setting our passion, our true feelings, our true selves are murdered and we are all guilty in some form or fashion. And trust me, I am guilty as charged. To be real is so foreign. I feel so blessed because I know people who are passionate and anytime I bring up something I'm passionate about they feed off of it, helping my passion to grow. Then, as they share their passion with me, I feed off their passion, and it also helps my passion to grow.
I don't want to be afraid to be real anymore. God created me in his image, therefore I have some of his qualities and I want to let those qualities shine, whether someone likes them or not. I don't want to feel numb to the passion the Lord has given me, I want to set it on FIRE! And I hope I can do the same for others, in whatever they are passionate about."
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