Summer Nights

“You cannot write from the pit inside of you that wants to please others—you cannot create from that pit either.”- Liz Gilbert

I love everything about summer nights.

I love how you can still feel the lingering rays of heat left behind from the sun earlier in the day.

I love sitting on the porch, breathing in the night air, not feeling too cold or too warm, but just right.

Summer nights are adventures for me. It always brings something. It might bring a deep thought, a good laugh, or a gut wrenching conversation. I just never know and that’s what I love about it.

I’ve been so tired lately.

Maybe it’s the backlash of the last month and a half.

Maybe it’s the backlash of having been working 4 jobs the last month.

Maybe it’s the consequence of not taking care of myself well.

Whatever the reason, it’s a strange place and a strange season for me.

I’m typically like the energizer bunny. I just go go, go, go. But the thing is, after going, going, going, I crash, and I crash HARD.

I’ve had to learn to take better care of myself and not put myself on the back burner so much. Just like I’ve said multiple times, in multiple post, it’s just as important to love yourself as it is to love others.

To wake up to the reality that you don’t know if you love who you are or know who you are is a harsh reality. Yet, if I hadn’t awakened to it, I’d still would have been going down the self destructive path I had laid out for myself. I’m grateful for my awakening. I’m grateful to be on this journey.

As I go along, I’ve had to learn how to rebuild with the pieces I have inside of me. I’m coming to learn that I had been working really hard and searching really hard to find, what I thought, was my missing pieces. When in reality, I’ve had everything I’ve needed all along.

EVERY PIECE HAS BEEN SITTING HERE, INSIDE OF ME. Just waiting…… waiting to be seen….. waiting to be used.

I feel we have been programmed to constantly look. Constantly work and find the ‘thing’ you need the most, the ‘thing’ that will bring you all the happiness and joy you have been wanting your whole life. But this is a LIE. A lie that I have believed for far too long.

It’s here. It’s right here, wherever you are standing. Just stop. Stop right where you are. Turn off the music. Turn off the noise. It will come, it will show itself. It might feel uncomfortable. In fact, it will probably feel extremely uncomfortable, but don’t stop it. Don’t stop the discomfort, it’s all apart of the process, it’s all apart of the discovery.

Soon enough, if you sit with the discomfort long enough, the fog will clear, and you will see. You will see and find that missing piece and feel silly for thinking it could have been found anywhere else.