You Don't Need To Explain Yourself

I think more than one person can agree with me when I say that today was a rough day.

I received texts from friends expressing their frustration, saw statuses on Facebook declaring their heart break with today.

Let's just confess...... APRIL 22nd...... YOU SUCKED!

There, I said it for all you who didn't want to say it.

I had an encounter today with someone who just pushed me over the edge. I already struggle with this person, but today just did it in for me. 

They made me feel bad for saying 'no' to them. 

The crazy part is that I said no to them about a month ago.

Apparently this person does not hear no often, because when I said it to them they became very passive aggressive with me. Tried to shrug it off as if it wasn't a big deal, but then had the nerve to bring it up again.... a month later.... in a passive aggressive tone.

"You know the position I'm in." I thought to myself, "You know what I'm having to do right now and yet you are sitting here making me feel bad for not helping you when I LITERALLY COULD NOT HELP YOU."

It got under my skin so bad. 

I was hot....... I was red hot.

But me being who I am, I was able to keep cool and deal with the situation appropriately. Well, I felt like I did atleast. 

When I got home this evening, I was able to cool off with some music and major blog reading. Later in the evening, I was sitting outside with my roommate. Thankfully she gave me the opportunity to vent about my day. I've gotten to where I don't vent too often about things just because 1. I don't like burdening people with my problems and 2. not many people really just want to listen to a venting session.

Thankfully, she didn't mind me venting and expressed to me that she enjoyed hearing me be angry about something. HA! She has no idea how much that meant to me. 

I explained to her my encounter and how inconsiderate this person was being towards me, how they were making me feel bad for something that I literally could not do for them. She then gave me the best advice anyone could have given me. She said, "Emily, you do not have to explain yourself. It is none of their business what your situation looks like right now."

Weight immediately lifted from my shoulders at that moment. I could breathe again.

She's right, I don't have to explain myself. I know that by saying yes, I would have been adding more stress to myself, stress I do not need. 

I was doing something for ME for once. I was watching out for MYSELF for once. That is a huge thing for me and the fact that they do not want to take to the time to understand that, well thats their problem not mine. 

I don't need to explain myself to this person, I also don't have to make this person understand. They are only a speck on my radar of people in my life. I know the truth in that situation and I refuse to allow someone to make me feel bad for that. I absolutely refuse to allow someones perception of a situation make me question what I know to be true. 

I like what Hannah Brencher said. She said, "No matter how far you go, or whatever kind of success or failure meets you, or whatever you do that seems noble or good or quite the opposite, people will continue to try to kick you down. They will try to tell you you're not good enough. They will try to convince you that you're not brave. That is the way of life. You can call it insecurity. You can call it anger. You know what, don't even waste your time trying to give it a name. Just please don't let it be the thing that keeps you from starting. You're not supposed to stay standing in that one spot for too long."

I can't let one person perspective change what I know to be true. I can't tell you how many times I've done this in my life and I'm continuing to clean up the mess it's created inside me. 

I don't have to explain myself.

I have that FREEDOM. I have the freedom and the right to take care of myself where I see it needs to be done.

I'm going to celebrate this victory. For I know that saying no is a struggle for me and I said no when I needed to. 

Little Victories. I LOVE little victories.